Pirates of the Caribbean:The curse of Jez and Kait
by Nikkifier
Summary: Two girls end up in the movie *Not a Mary-sue* Lots of insanity and randomness please R+R
1. Polar Bears are LeftHanded

The Pirates of the Caribbean: The curse of the Jez and Kait.  
  
This was co-written with my good friend Nicola, we changed our names for some reason that only the alien gods know. Anywho enjoy.  
  
Chapter 1 - Polar bears are left handed.  
  
"It's dark"  
  
"I know it's dark just find us a seat."  
  
"How did we miss 15 minutes anyway we're not that late?"  
  
"I have no answer to that question but I can tell you that polar bears are left handed."  
  
I looked at my friend Jezebel like she was crazy which she is so that is completely off topic, which I tend to do a lot. I'm Kaitlyn by the way. So back to the story. We walked up and up till eventually I, yes me; spot a row of empty seats. I walked along trying so hard not to disturb the film which is hard when people are grumbling and glaring at you through the dark, I swear peoples eyes light up when they're angry. Anywho that's going off topic yet again, me being the clumsy person that I am fall as I'm trying to find a seat. That would have been fine till Jezebel tripped over me.  
  
* * * * * Port Royale Jail * * * * *  
  
"Come on, doggy. It's just you and me now. It's you and ol' Jack, come on. Come on, good boy. That's it, good boy, come on! Bit closer, bit closer. That's it, that's it, doggy. Come on you filthy, slimy, mangy cat."  
  
CRASH!  
  
"No, no, no, no, no, I didn't mean it. I didn't..."  
  
The dog bolted. Jack looked at where the crash had come from; two young ladies lay on the floor mumbling about cinemas and polar bears. They got up brushing off the dirt from they're strange attire.  
  
"I've got popcorn in my hair," the smaller of the two grumbled and helped the other girl up.  
  
"Oh look! A doggy." The girl ran after the dog and picked it up bringing it back to where the other girl stood. "Oh shiny keys."  
  
"To-to I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," said the smaller girl only to receive a glare from the other.  
  
"I am not called To-to I am called Jezebel or Jez to my close friends which doesn't include you anymore Kaitlyn cause you called me a dog."  
  
Jack saw this as his chance to make his escape, as Jezebel was not letting the dog go no matter how much it struggled and it still had the keys.  
  
"Would you two Ladies be kind enough to give Jack here those keys ye have there?"  
  
"I'm not a girl apparently, I'm a dog and who's Jack?"  
  
"That's Jack and I suppose so as long as." the other girl, Kaitlyn, spoke up only to be interrupted by a royal guard falling down the steps closely followed by two ugly looking men.  
  
"Quick, the keys!" Jack whispered sticking his arm out to reach for them but Jez being Jez decided she was doing it and no one else. Jez quickly opened the door only to be pushed in with Kaitlyn by Jack as the pirates spotted him.  
  
Kaitlyns POV (I'll try not to do POV's after this it will all be from Kaitlyns POV) "This ain't the armoury." The dark skinned pirate said looking around. "Well, well, well, look what we have here Twigg - Captain Jack Sparrow." The other said. Twigg walked up to the cell and spat "Last time I saw you, you were all alone on a godforsaken island, shrinking into the distance. His fortunes aren't improved much." "Worry about your own fortunes, gentlemen. The deepest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers." Jack said provoking the pirate who lunged at Jack and grabbed him round the neck only for his arm to turn skeletal. "That's freaky deaky Nora," I piped up only to receive glares off everyone.  
  
"So there is a curse. That's interesting." Jack said choosing to ignore the last comment. "You know nothing of Hell." They turned and left the jail leaving Jez and Kaitlyn sat in a corner and Jack leaning against the bars. "That's very interesting." Jack said to know one in particular. "That was interesting and I do know something of hell." Jez declared matter- of-factly "it's big and red and full of fire." I just rolled my eyes and looked at the man across from them. He was tall and his black hair was in dreadlocks and there was a red scarf tied round his forehead. He definitely reminded me of someone I just couldn't think who. "Ergh! This is going to bug me all day now," I said to myself. "What will bug you?" Jez asked looking me as if I was demented. "Him!" I replied pointing to Jack. Jez just burst out laughing at me it probably had something to do with my last comment she finds one word answers funny. She is a strange child. "I do have a name ye know." He replied, finally taking note that he had locked us in the cell with him. "Captain Jack Sparrow." "Nice to meet ya Jack."  
  
"Captain!"  
  
"Sorry. CAPTAIN! Jack Sparrow, I'm Kaitlyn and this is Jez or Jezebel or Idiot what ever you fancy calling her," I said.  
  
"The keys would be nice ladies if ye don't mind, I have a ship to commandeer and save my neck whilst doing it." (A/n - He he pun) Jack said reaching out for the keys.  
  
"I don't have them," I said.  
  
"Neither do I." Jack replied and then turned to look at Jez "That means you must have them miss Jezebel."  
  
"Why would I have the keys," she realises that she did have them, "Opps, I dropped them, sowwee." How can anyone lose a set of keys? Ask Jez she could lose an elephant if she tried or didn't. That really didn't make sense so on with a little adventure.  
  
"If ye dropped them then they must be on the floor," he turned round just in time to see the dog pick up the keys. "Great."  
  
"Sowwee," Jez said again, this girl was seriously going to face my wrath.  
  
"Sowwee? Jez you are definitely the most stupidest girl I have ever met I am so glad this is a dream from when I hit my head in the cinema and knocked myself unconscious," I slumped onto the floor "If you don't mind I'm going to wake up from this dream." With that I lay on the floor and closed my eyes. A few minutes later I opened them again "This is not the cinema WHY?!"  
  
"Because it's a cell Miss Kaitlyn not a chin-mart thing that ye said before," Jack replied turning away from his lock picking with a bone.  
  
"Have you ever heard of a mart that sells chins Kait?" Jez asked me.  
  
"Nope but then again when do you knock yourself unconscious and end up in a movie?" I replied in a know it all voice.  
  
"That's another question that I don't know the answer to but I do know that Elvis was Blonde. Wait! We're in a movie?" Jez said looking completely bemused which wasn't unusual for Jez.  
  
"Yup! That's the only semi logical explanation that I can up with," I said completely ignoring Jack who was listening in to their conversation. "I do have another way to get back but it's evil."  
  
"What is it? Tell me or I'll .. I'll .. get Bob my pet spider on you." The demon child shouted I'm sure she was trying to deafen me.  
  
"Hit our heads and knock ourselves unconscious again but that would hurt so we're not doing that." "I'll gladly do it for ye if it shuts you up," Jack said trying his best to scare us which worked as I ran behind Jez to save myself. "Her first," I said from behind Jez who very kindly kicked me in the leg.  
  
Instead of Jack coming towards us and killing us he just laughed and then laughed some more. The evil ice cream brain how dare he laugh at us. Instead of throwing some insult I sat down in the corner and glared at the evil guy who was now rolling on the floor howling with laughter. Then the worst thing happened. Jez started laughing as well the evil muffin how dare she, she's meant to be on the side of moi. The sooner I get out of here the better. Where's that wall?  
  
* * * * * * * * * Wahey! It's the first chapter of my new fic and my first POTC one yay! So be nice and review k?  
  
P.S I really did miss the first 15 mins of POTC cause the evil cinema started it earlier than they should have done.  
  
P.P.S REVIEW! 


	2. Why are Carrots blue?

No! Don't kill me *cowers in a corner* I forgot my disclaimer, don't hurt me *realises no one is taking her on* Ok well um.here it is!  
  
Kaitlyn: Mwahahaha they're all mine Mwahahahaha  
  
Jezebel: Can I have one?  
  
Kaitlyn: Sure (hands her Jack's hat)  
  
Disney: Hand them back!  
  
Jezebel: No never! Bob! (A tiny spider comes crawling to Jez)  
  
Kaitlyn: Argh! Take them! Take them! I own nothing (cries)  
  
Chapter 2: Why are carrots blue?  
  
"Kaitlyn"  
  
"Kaitlyn for the love of sugar wake up."  
  
I opened my eyes to see an evil Jez staring at me with a stupid grin on her face, the evil demon child is trying her best to annoy me.  
  
"Kait you knocked yourself out and left me with the pirate so I decided to wake you up kay?" Jez said cheerily. I don't think the fact that we're stuck in a movie has dawned on her yet she can be so slow at times. Anyway I will have my revenge for waking me up and I'm not at home yet. Wait. the cinema is not my home but I should have woken up there or in a hospital or on a cloud but that's not the point. As you can now see I'm just as insane as Jez just I can hide it better and can pass for a normal person.  
  
"Jez? Why are carrots blue?" Ha! She'll never come up with an answer for this.  
  
"Oh dear sugar lords I think she has a concussion." Oh that was a big word for Jez and what's the deal with the sugar all at once?  
  
"The glitter people are attacking RUN!!!!" a ha, even she can't escape the glitter people* all she can do is look at me strange and since when did she act normal, ohhh, maybe I succeeded in making our minds swap or maybe not.  
  
*Glitter people are a race of people I made up that are like evil fairies in a way.  
  
My evil plan was not working; it was time for the big guns.  
  
"Jezebel?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I see dead people," I whispered trying hard not to laugh. Jez's face turned bright red with trying not to laugh but she failed miserably and started laughing her head off while hugging me really tight.  
  
"Jezebel! Air.Need.now," I gasped.  
  
"Oh sorry," she said letting me go from her death grip.  
  
Jack had chosen to completely ignore the wonderful random conversation that Jez and me just had and carried on picking the lock with a bone. Had these people never heard of hairpins? It would have been so much easier.  
  
"Please." he muttered to himself. Just when life seemed to be getting boring there came footsteps Woohoo! Jack left the bone in the lock and lay down on the floor. Jez and me just sat there, well we weren't just sat there we where having a staring contest but to the everyday customer of this zoo we were just sat there.  
  
"You, Sparrow!" Ah and this must be Mr. Will Turner blacksmith extraordinaire. Watching the making of the movie really did pay off, who said TV was bad for you?  
  
"Aye" Jack replied.  
  
"You are familiar with that ship, the Black pearl?" Will said. Do people not notice us? Are we that unnoticeable?  
  
"I've heard of it," Jack replied. Boredom is setting in again, keep staring at Jez Kait. I must win the contest cause I am the Lord of Flutterby Cream!  
  
"Where does it make Berth?" At this point Jez turned her head to make some utterly stupid comment but I beat her to it. As soon as she turned away I jumped up and shouted "Ha I won! Bow down to the Lord of Flutterby Cream you unworthy Turnip!"  
  
Very unusually, note the sarcasm, I received weird looks of the two men and Jez was sniggering under her breath.  
  
"And who might you two be?" Will asked finally noticing we were here.  
  
"I'm.Nikki! And this is um.Nicola! We are here to annoy sir." I said all innocently. Watch the fun begin.  
  
"Nikki!? Nicola!? You told me ye names were Kaitlyn and Jezebel," Jack piped up.  
  
"We are," I said as if I never even mentioned Nikki and Nicola.  
  
"Then why did you say that your names were Nikki and Nicola?" Will asked.  
  
"Why are carrots blue?" I asked. Damn this lack of ability to come up with something new anyways that was a good enough question for now. Again people decided to ignore me and carry on with their conversation, which wasn't unusual. So they talked about the Isle of Muerta and Will's name. The rest of it I choose to ignore because a dust particle distracted me. I snapped out of it as soon as I heard something about escaping.  
  
Will lifted the door out of its hinges and it fell to the floor. "Hurry, someone will have heard that."  
  
"Not without my effects," Jack said grabbing his sword and hat from the wall.  
  
"And not without us!" Jez shouted grabbing me and running after Jack and Will. I swear I heard them mutter damn. If that's what they really feel, fine.  
  
"COCONUTS ARE KILLERS!!!!" I shouted just for good measure.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chap two is up, yay. Aren't you happy? I'm sorry this isn't as funny and is shorter the next chapter will be better. Anywho now it's time for thank yous!  
  
Niccy-B - My serial reviewer is back, you wanted more and you got more.  
  
Aelimir - Yay someone other than Nicola reviewed. Thank you I'm glad you like it. Hope you liked this chappy. I don't weather polar bears are actually left-handed but coconuts are killers. They kill more people than sharks do apparently.  
  
And that was that so be a good little bunny and review. 


	3. Operation get on the ship!

Kaitlyn: Mwahahaha they're all mine Mwahahahaha  
  
Jezebel: Can I have one?  
  
Kaitlyn: Sure (hands her Jack's hat)  
  
Disney: Hand them back!  
  
Jezebel: No never! Bob! (A tiny spider comes crawling to Jez)  
  
Kaitlyn: Argh! Take them! Take them! I own nothing (cries)  
  
Chapter 3: Operation get-on-the-ship!  
  
"We're going to steal a ship. That ship?" I heard Will say. How on earth they managed to lose us is beyond me.  
  
"Commandeer. We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term. One question about your business boy, there's no use going. This girl, how far are you willing to go to save her?" Jack said turning to face Will.  
  
"I'd die for her," Will replied. At this point we where in the tunnel. I had the sudden urge to splash them and I think Jez did as well because we both slowed down and did our best to creep up on them.  
  
"Oh good, no worries then."  
  
SPLASH!  
  
"Take that!" Jez screeched, "So you thought you could lose us huh? Wrong. We may have no in built sense of direction (we got lost about six times) but we do have mouths."  
  
In case you're wondering what on earth Jez is talking about I'll explain. After we turned the wrong way the sixth time we ended up asking directions to the docks. After a lot of weird looks, a lovely gentlemen directed us after insisting that we were called Clarissa and here we where.  
  
After standing there for a while glaring at each other, Jack and Will walked off without us again. I'm beginning to think they don't like us.  
  
"Hey!" Jez shouted after them. "Where do you think your going?" She ran forward but slipped before she could catch up with them making a massive splash. I burst out laughing while Jez just glared at me. If looks could kill I'd be, well dead. She jumped up and charged straight at me, she ran into me and sent me flying backwards. This was war. I splashed her using the back of my hand and we ended up in a massive water fight.  
  
It was only after we had succeeded in drenching each other that we realised that we were meant to be following the n-evil people (Jack and Will).  
  
"Nooooooo!!!!" Ok so that was a bit over dramatic, but it is us two what do you expect?  
  
We got up and ran to the edge of the tunnel, they where nowhere in sight.  
  
"Damn! What we meant to do now Kaity?" Jez moaned. She only ever calls me Kaity when she wants something or wants to annoy me.  
  
"Don't worry, I have a cunning plan!" I said mimicking Baldric from Blackadder (A/n - Ah, great British comedy. You can't beat the oldies.)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~ At the Interceptor ~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Excuse me. We couldn't help but admire this ship do you mind if we had a look around?" Jez asked sweetly. The royal guard took one look at us and shook his head.  
  
"I'm afraid not.Ladies. This is a Naval ship." He said. Ok part two of operation get-on-the-ship at the ready.  
  
I fainted. Yup, that was the cunning plan I had. The guard did exactly as I wanted him to. He rushed to me and picked me up taking me and Jez, who insisted that she came with me, onto the Interceptor. I could do this for a living and make a lot of money from it or maybe not.  
  
I was laid down on a bed, ah nice comfy bed, and I heard someone say, "No wonder she fainted, look at the state of her, dripping wet through." Blame Jez, not me. She attacked me.  
  
All I had to do now was wait for Jack and Will to board the ship. But for now the bed is good, very good.  
  
"Kaity! They're here. Get your lazy arse off the bed now!" Jez said to me ever so politely.  
  
"Ok, Ok, don't get your knickers in a twist," I answered back (a/n - Yes I am British).  
  
I clambered out of the bed reluctantly and let Jez drag me to the deck. Luckily they weren't facing us so we crept up behind them and sang in unison "We're back!"  
  
Comfy bed -£200, a mug of hot chocolate (I wish) - 50p, Jack and Will's faces - Priceless.  
  
Since your obviously not us and you can't see the wonderful picture I see now I'll describe it to you. Jack's eyes went wide like they were going to pop out of his head and Will's mouth dropped.  
  
"Close your mouth a bus is coming!" I couldn't help it, I needed to say something instead of just standing there grinning like an idiot or like Jez, which just basically means the same thing but anyway like you care.  
  
"A what?" he managed to say at last. I sure did drop myself in it this time.  
  
"Did I say a bus? I meant a um.croc.Boat!" thank god I have a quick brain, that could have been disastrous.  
  
"Why are you on this boat?" Jack said clearly irritated.  
  
"Because we want to!" we answered back.  
  
"Ok, lets try another question shall we? How the hell did you get on the boat?"  
  
"We followed the imps of Satan," Jez replied.  
  
"Kaitlyn?" clearly Jack didn't believe Jezebel's story.  
  
"I pretended to faint to get on board so then we could annoy you." I said quietly and almost to nice. I need to add something else that's meaner. "That'll teach you to try and lose us." That will do for now but that was way to close.  
  
"How did you know we would come on this ship?" Will asked.  
  
Jez did the bravest thing I have ever seen her do.  
  
"Well, you see. It's a long story. Kaitlyn?" Thank you Jez.  
  
"Well we're not from this time, we're from the future or another dimension I'm not sure. But where we come from this adventure of yours has been made into a movie. A movie is like a play but the actors only have to act it out once. We where watching your movie when I tripped up and then we ended up in the jail. And since you two are the only two who have taken us on we thought that we'd come with you, Kay?" I prayed to the sugar gods that they would at least understand and believe some of the story.  
  
I got nothing. They just stood there and stared at me as if I was an escaped lunatic on a sugar high.  
  
"Or from another planet." Jez said finally breaking the silence.  
  
"What, Jezzy dear, are you on about?" I asked her, hoping it would distract Jack and Will.  
  
"You said that we where from the future or another dimension but you forgot another planet."  
  
"I forgot. Sorry" I'm getting to nice, I need to snap out of it.  
  
Again there was silence. Evil silence, silence that just awkward like in a lift, I just had to laugh and I did, loudly. Jez did the same thing. Great minds think alike. Jack and Will looked at each other and then back to us and burst out laughing as well.  
  
"What is so funny?" I managed to ask through laughing.  
  
"I don't know but I do know that the starfish don't have brains." Jez replied.  
  
"Just like you then," I said walking away from her waiting for her to explode.  
  
"Ha, ha HEY! Kaity-Lou you evil fudge brain of a shrumroom* come back here," she screamed at me.  
  
*Whilst I was on holiday my dad called mushrooms shrumrooms and it stuck.  
  
I started to run back below deck but, me being me and all, lost my footing and fell flat on my backside. Jez stopped dead in her tracks, well not dead but you know what I mean, and Jack and Will, who had just managed to compose themselves, burst out laughing again. Why oh why must people always laugh at my misfortunes? Cause I would do it to them that's why.  
  
"Jezzy-bell?" I said in a baby voice "I think I broke my bum."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Another chapter, wohoo I'm on a roll. Well, did ya like? If you did press the nice little button down there just like these people did:  
  
Niccy-B - T'is longer now see? And carrots are blue because.I say they are.  
  
Raven185 - More you said, more you got.  
  
Falco Conlon - Thank you for the advice. The formatting of chapter 1 wasn't entirely my fault. It wouldn't upload correctly no matter how many times I tried and I do forget to put punctuation in I know. I will know remember to though and I'm glad I made you laugh. Laughing is good cept if you fall over then it's bad. 


	4. Dusty and Patrick!

Kaitlyn: Mwahahaha they're all mine Mwahahahaha  
  
Jezebel: Can I have one?  
  
Kaitlyn: Sure (hands her Jack's hat)  
  
Disney: Hand them back!  
  
Jezebel: No never! Bob! (A tiny spider comes crawling to Jez)  
  
Kaitlyn: Argh! Take them! Take them! I own nothing (cries)  
  
Chapter 4: Dusty and Patrick!  
  
Who ever came up with life was like a box of chocolates was deranged. Life is not like a box of chocolates, since when did chocolate make you break your bum?  
  
Jez kept telling me that you can't break your bum but it bloody feels like it. I told them this but they just rolled their eyes. So I decided to stay away from everyone else but close enough to hear their conversations just in case they decided to talk about me.  
  
"When I was a lad living in England, my mother raised me by herself. After she died, I came out here, looking for my father." Will said sharpening his sword.  
  
"Is that so?" Jack said.  
  
Well this conversation is boring so I wandered to the edge and peered over. All that I could see was the deep blue sea. This thought but the rhyme in my head. "Aaaaa Sailor went to the sea sea sea, to see what he could see see see, but all that he could see see see, was the bottom of the deep blue sea sea sea." I giggled to myself.  
  
"Kaitlyn!" Jack shouted in his ever-so-pleasant I'm about to be told off voice.  
  
"What?" I asked innocently.  
  
"Stay away from the edge of the ship."  
  
"Why? It's not like I'm about to fall over the edge am I? Will I?"  
  
"Knowing you, yes. Now just stay away from the edge." Evil thingamabob. You're about to learn the first thing about Kaitlyn. I have selective hearing and I choose not to listen to that. So I carried on leaning over the edge looking for fish. Will I be able to see fish from so high up? Oh well only way to find out is to look.  
  
"The big ship sailed on the alley alley o, the alley alley o, the alley alley o, the big ship sailed on the alley alley o, on the first day of septem . OW!" How dare something hit me when I'm in the middle of singing my song.  
  
"What did I tell ye?" I shot Jack an evil glare then looked to see what on earth had hit me on my back and where on earth had it come from. The only way was up!  
  
"CURSE you evil aeroplanes, CURSE you!" I shouted up into the sky. I looked back down to see Jez in front of me holding out a black thing.  
  
"What the .. My BACKPACK!!!" I screamed grabbing the bag off Jez and plonked myself on the floor. I opened the bag and started to root through it. Mobile phone, popcorn, money, bus pass, pen and "DUSTY!" I grabbed the mini radiator cleaner from out of my bag and held it out in front of me pretending it was a sword.  
  
"A Ha, I have my own weapon now you, you, sword brandishing idiots," I said waving my sword/Dusty at Jack and Will. Jack just raised an eyebrow at me and then smirked. He pulled out his own sword but before he could attack my beloved Dusty Jez decided to appear.  
  
"No fair, I want a weapon!" She moaned looking at me as if I could some how solve the mystery of life. Well I couldn't do that but I could give her a kind of weapon. I delved into my bag again and pulled out my pen and handed it to her.  
  
"Yay!" She held it out in front of her (we're doing that a lot) then looked at the size of the swords plus Dusty compared to her pen. But she still held it out being completely Jez like and waving in front (again) of Will's face.  
  
"Behold Dusty the Magnificent!" I said, Jack just rolled his eyes.  
  
"Behold Patrick the pen of Inkiness!" Jez shouted.  
  
In one swift move Jack almost cut Dusty in half but I screamed and moved him away from the evil radiator cleaner killer of doom.  
  
"You almost killed him! Aw my poor Dusty. He's mine I tell ya, MINE so leave him alone."  
  
Jack then moved onto Patrick only to be glared at by Jez who was cradling the pen in her arms. He put his sword away and carried on his conversation with Will.  
  
"Jack you knew my father," Will said repeating what he had just said before Jack told me off.  
  
"I knew 'im. Probably one the few who knew him as William Turner, everyone else just called him Bootstrap or Bootstrap Bill." Jack said. Oooooo this could get interesting.  
  
"Bootstrap?" I went and sat down next to Jez and got out the popcorn.  
  
"Good man, good pirate. Swear you look just like him," two Orlando lookie- likies in one place. What are the odds on that?  
  
"It's not true, he was a merchant sailor; a good, respectable man who obeyed the law," is there a storm brewing or is it just me?  
  
"He was a bloody pirate, a scallywag."  
  
"My father was not a pirate." Will replied angrily talking out his sword.  
  
"FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!" Jez shouted shovelling popcorn into her mouth.  
  
"Put it away, son. It's not worth you getting beat again." Did we miss something? No fair!  
  
"You didn't beat me; you ignored the rules of engagement. In a fair fight, I'd kill you." Will replied getting angrier if that was possible.  
  
"And that's no incentive for me to fight fair, is it?" Jack said swing one of the sails round so it collided with Will and he was left hanging over the sea.  
  
"No fair! How come he is allowed to dangle over the water on a thingy when I got told off for just peering over the edge?" I asked/shouted. I'm now convinced the world is against me and the only ally I got is Dusty. Jez doesn't count she laughs at me too often.  
  
"One, does it matter? And two, shut up!" he said turning his attention back to Will. "Now as long as you're just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance - you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can't. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you'll have to square with that someday. And me, for example, I can let you drown but I can't bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So ." Jack swung the sail back round so the Will fell off onto the deck. "Can you sail under the command of a pirate or can you not?" Offering his sword to Will.  
  
"Tortuga?" Will asked taking the sword.  
  
"Tortuga." The three of us said at the same time.  
  
"Wait! Where's Tortuga?" I knew I should of paid attention in geography. Again I was ignored but I'm getting used to it so I sat on the floor and started singing I am the music man.  
  
"I am the music man I come from down the lane."  
  
"What can you play?" Jez sang from the other side of the deck.  
  
"I can play the piano, pia pia piano piano piano pia pia piano pia piano,"  
  
After about ten verses of the music man I got bored and using Patrick (I finally got it back of Jez) I scribbled Kait wuz ere on the deck. Jez came to me shortly after and told me about carrots used to be purple which completely squashed my idea about blue carrots.  
  
After this and Jez scribbling her name on the deck we shut up for once in our lives.  
  
"You two are oddly quiet," Will said joining us.  
  
"Hungry," I replied.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"And craving sugar," Jez added.  
  
" Well I can't help you with the sugar but there is food below deck."  
  
"Where, TELL ME! If you don't I'll tell Jack that ."  
  
"Tell Jack what?" Wow this man really does have fantastic timing. Jack just looked at me and I looked at Will. I'm tired of explaining things, it hurts my brain.  
  
"That . um . we're approaching Tortuga," Will said noticing land ahead of us.  
  
"LAND AHOY!" I shouted doing my best pirate impression.  
  
"Don't you think I know that? Now listen you two," Jack said turning to face us, "You are to stay on the ship, if you even think about stepping off this ship I will leave you here on your own, understand?"  
  
"Could you run the bit about staying on the ship by me again?" Jez asked.  
  
"Kaitlyn? Do you understand?"  
  
"Yes, no, maybe. And you should know by now that you'll never get a straight answer out of Jez and WHERE IS THE FOOD?!" Food over rules everything else.  
  
Will gave us directions and we set off on our mission to find food.  
  
"Can I have Patrick back?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why Kaity? Patrick is my friend and besides you have Dusty," Jez whined. She's good at whining.  
  
"Fine," I handed Patrick over, "Jez? Which way did Will say to go now?"  
  
"Erm . Left no right no through that door. I don't know."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Yay! Go me I updated. Yay! I got to watch the whooole of POTC today, I'm so happy.  
  
Niccy-B - Of course it worked!  
  
Cassie-Bear01 - Randomness is good, in fact, randomness should be made a proper language, but then again that would be confusing so maybe not. Thank you for your review. 


	5. Gingerbread men attack

Kaitlyn: Mwahahaha they're all mine Mwahahahaha  
  
Jezebel: Can I have one?  
  
Kaitlyn: Sure (hands her Jack's hat)  
  
Disney: Hand them back!  
  
Jezebel: No never! Bob! (A tiny spider comes crawling to Jez)  
  
Kaitlyn: Argh! Take them! Take them! I own nothing (cries)  
  
Chapter 5: The Gingerbread men attack!  
  
"Mmmmm," he knew that food could taste so good.  
  
"Kait?"  
  
"Yes my dear fuzzy bunny also known as Jez," I asked smiling sweetly at her.  
  
"Would they really leave us here in Tortuga on our own if we went off the boat?"  
  
"Probably," I picked up some bread and started eating it.  
  
"Are we going to go off the boat anyway?"  
  
"Probably," for some strange reason I knew where this conversation was going to end up.  
  
"So shall we follow them then?"  
  
"Mips mar mevil, mat mud me ma mes!" I said through a mouthful of food.  
  
"That would mean?"  
  
"Chips are evil, that would be a yes!" I replied. Jez just rolled her eyes and then dragged me to the deck.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Later on ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"So know that where here, which way do we go?" I asked Jez but she had already wandered off without me. I am beginning to hate it when that happens.  
  
"Jez! Jez you no good pizza eating monkey loving thing come Back!" I shouted but there was no reply.  
  
"Crap," I watched the world go by hoping that someone would take pity on a lost little girl. Five minutes passed and no one came. No one loves me. So to get over my loneliness I went to look for Jez and in the process get even more lost than I already was.  
  
"BOO!"  
  
I screamed. Who would jump out on some one like that? I looked at the evil fudge monkey who had scared me.  
  
"JEZEBEL! WHY I . . . um . . . hate you for leaving me!" Lame I know but I really was glad to see her deep down inside, "where did you go?"  
  
"I saw a flutterby and got distracted then I thought I'd scare you," she laughed at the last comment and I just glared. We still had to find Jack and Will and avoid being seen. What we were going to do is beyond me but for know finding them seemed like a good idea. This place was giving me the creeps.  
  
"Blast! I'm already awake!" I heard someone shout a short distance down the road. From my superior knowledge I figured out that was the way to go.  
  
"Ma ha! It's that way. If in doubt always follow your nose young meriadoc." I pointed ahead of me and then tried to follow my nose.  
  
"Kait, what are you doing?"  
  
"Trying to follow my nose which is impossible cause it just goes where your head goes," I replied ever so intelligently, which I am of course.  
  
"Oh let me try," Jez started moving her head all over the place but only succeeded in looking stupid and stupid.  
  
"Ma ha! Look what I have found Watson,"  
  
"It's a pub Kait and a smelly one at that," Jez said as she stepped over a passed out drunkard.  
  
"Exactly, if you want to find pirates where better to look than in a pub and since when did you become intelligent?"  
  
"I didn't, you became stupider," I hit her over the head and then decided that there needed to be rules.  
  
"Kay, listen up. Here are the rules, whatever happens don't get caught by the n-evil people and don't get hurt." The last one was really for me as I seemed to keep getting hit by falling objects or knocking myself out a lot, I really have to stop.  
  
We walked into the pub and stayed close to the walls, why I don't know but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I spotted Will standing against a wall occasionally looking behind him. I figured that Jack would be over there as well. As soon as I had finished spotting potential n-evil people a group of people surged forward and I got caught up in it leaving Jez behind.  
  
"So this is what it feels like to be a sardine," I muttered as I squirmed my way out of the mass of beer-fuelled drunks. But I don't have any sense of direction and ended up stood right in front of Will.  
  
He just looked at me then to the woman he stood beside him. She was flirting with him and he clearly didn't like it. Now was my chance to escape the clutches of my worst enemy. I started to back away when he turned his attention back to me. His admirer was still by his side and he looked to me as if to say, help me and I won't kill you. Well this was a tempting offer but I don't believe him. I must not give in. Damn I'm to weak.  
  
I walked over to Will and plastered the sweetest smile on my face that I could manage. I took his hand and then thought as my next wonderful comment.  
  
"He's mine, tippex painter of the dandelions, so back off," I said to the lady who just looked at me weird then walked away. Will just held back his laughter, I think it's so he can tell me off looking serious.  
  
"Kaitlyn," see, see, what did I tell you? He kept tight hold of my arm so I couldn't run away.  
  
"You where meant to stay on the boat, what where you thinking?"  
  
"That it's a ship not a boat," why couldn't these people get it right?  
  
He just rolled his eyes; people do that a lot after I've said something. "What if you had been killed or worse hurt?"  
  
"I think you got that the wrong way round, my dear purple penguin,"  
  
"No, if you had got hurt I would not have been rid of your stupidity," and I was beginning to think he liked me oh well; I threw my arms around him and pretended to cry. I heard Jack say something about leverage, I'm pretty sure Will heard it as well cause he turned round his head.  
  
"You like me, you really like me," I cried breaking his trance only for him to push me away but he made the mistake of letting go off my arm.  
  
I made a dash for it with Jez just slightly ahead of me (she had been watching the whole thing from her place by the wall) I would of escaped when some bright spark pushed their chair out in front of me. I tried to slam on the brakes but I realised I didn't have any. I crashed into the chair, went flying over it and smacked into the floor headfirst.  
  
I broke my own rule so I'm making the rule up again and wow this really hurts. Oh look at the fuzzy bunnies hopping along.  
  
"Kait are you all right, again?"  
  
"Mo!" I muttered as angrily as I could.  
  
"Aw, poor Kaity," she said sarcastically, I swear if the world weren't spinning I'd kill her. "Did the ginger bread men attack you again?"  
  
"Kaitlyn! What the hell are you doing here?" Damn I have broken every single rule that I made up, I get hurt and I've been spotted by both n-evil people.  
  
"And who would these be then?" that's a new voice.  
  
"Mr. Gibbs, this is Jezebel and this is Kaitlyn, they are companions unfortunatley," Jack said.  
  
Someone picked me up of the floor and made me stand up. You would think I could manage a simple task like that but no, I fell back down. "Ow!"  
  
So they had to carry me back to where ever we were going back to. My head had finally stopped spinning but now I had the mother of all headaches.  
  
~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Aspirin! NOW!" I shouted hoping that someone would pay attention to me.  
  
"Sorry, Kaity-Lou we ain't got none but we do have some bread and water," Jez said.  
  
I opened my eyes taking in where we where. I couldn't believe my eyes.  
  
"Locked in a cell again?" I asked.  
  
"Yup, Jack locked us in here till, well, he didn't exactly say when but it still beats being left in Tortuga. You are so accident prone."  
  
"Yes Jez yes, I'm accident prone," I said rubbing my head.  
  
Just then footsteps bounded down the stairs and the merry face of Will appeared at the door.  
  
"Ah, I've see you've come to," he said cheerily.  
  
"Go to hell," I muttered leaning back against the wall.  
  
"No! We're going to meet Jacks 'able bodied crew' " I couldn't help but smirk at the sarcasm in his voice as he said the last bit. "I managed to persuade Jack to let you out as a thank you for last night."  
  
He opened the door and we walked out, well I hobbled out, and headed for deck.  
  
"Morning Jack!" I said chirpily when we reached the deck. I saw him frown when he saw me, I laughed inside, I feel so loved.  
  
"Mornin' Kaitlyn how's ye head?" he asked acting concerned.  
  
"Like I tripped over a chair and hit the ground head first," I replied. Now it was time to have fun "Jack? Have I ever told you about the little purple Satans?"  
  
Jez snorted trying not to laugh, Will just rolled his eyes and I looked at Jack for an answer.  
  
"No, you've not but I've got a feelin' I'm bout to find out."  
  
"Yup, you see, the LPS are a group of little purple things that like to cause mischief, like pirates if you want," he smiled at this bit and then carried on listening. "They come from the land of Dooda on the planet Mangodia. Well most LPS's have farms where they grow electric mixers to sell to the carrots except a few where they hunt trains but that's another story completely. Any who one day this LPS, I believe his name was Luke Skywalker, decided to go for a walk. He forgot about the end of the world and fell off. The end." I smiled at Jack while Jez rolled on the floor laughing.  
  
"Okay whatever you say Kaity-Lou," he said smiling.  
  
"It is true you know and why did you just call me Kaity-Lou?"  
  
He walked away laughing. Well that's just dandy now he's calling me Kaity- Lou, it must be stopped, my name is Kaitlyn or Kait or idiot or goddess of all things inanimate. I don't remember Kaity-Lou being in the list.  
  
While I was rambling inside my tiny brain the other three had walked off so I hobbled after them to meet the crew. Ma ha more people to annoy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Da daaaa, the next chappy is up. I firmly believe that this one is rubbish so I'd really appreciate your opinions so review my dear walnut heads and make me happy.  
  
Niccy-b - Tis up now and I'm still not sure that it's good no matter what your random little brain says.  
  
Raven185 - Noooooo! I forgot you on the last chapter bad bad Nikki-Kait (my new name ya like?) So here you are. Thank you times two. 


	6. I want a parrot!

Kaitlyn: Mwahahaha they're all mine Mwahahahaha  
  
Jezebel: Can I have one?  
  
Kaitlyn: Sure (hands her Jack's hat)  
  
Disney: Hand them back!  
  
Jezebel: No never! Bob! (A tiny spider comes crawling to Jez)  
  
Kaitlyn: Argh! Take them! Take them! I own nothing (cries)  
  
Chapter 6: I want a parrot!  
  
"Feast your eyes, Captain. All of them, faithful hands before the mast. Every man worth his salt. And crazy to boot." Mr. Gibbs said as we walked along the line of men.  
  
"How can you be as crazy as a boot?" Jez piped up.  
  
"Crazy TO boot," I corrected her.  
  
"Oooh. I don't get it." I just rolled my eyes.  
  
"So this is your able bodied crew?" Will asked completely unsure about the people assembled before him.  
  
"You sailor!" Jack asked.  
  
"Cotton, sir!" Gibbs told him.  
  
"Mr. Cotton. Do you have the courage and fortitude to follow orders and stay true in the face of danger and almost certain death? Mr. Cotton! Answer me!" Jack asked.  
  
"He's a mute sir. Poor devil had his tongue cut out, so he trained the parrot to talk for him. No one's yet figured how..." Gibbs said. I want his parrot.  
  
"Mr. Cottons . . . parrot, same question."  
  
"Wind in the sails! Wind in the sails!" Oh, the pretty parrot can talk as well.  
  
"Mostly, we figure that means yes," Mr Gibbs said. "O'course it does." Jack Turned to Will, "Satisfied?" " Well, you've proved them mad." Will said trying to prove his point. "Jack?" I whined pulling on his sleeve.  
  
"What do you want and its captain, Kaity-Lou," he stressed my name so I got the point to call him Captain.  
  
"Can I have a parrot?"  
  
"No," he replied.  
  
"Why not?" I whined. Instead of an answer I got hit over the head by both Jez and Will. Evil demon children or child and adult.  
  
"And what's the benefit for us?" a voice shouted out from further down the line getting everyone's attention. Well everyone's but mine. I decided that the parrot was more interesting.  
  
I stood staring at the bird for a while till someone came and dragged me to where Jez and co. had gone.  
  
"It's not polite to stare," Jez whispered to me.  
  
"But I want a parrot," I whispered back.  
  
"So? I want a killer penguin, it's not going to happen," Jez whispered back (ok so I think you get the point that we're whispering)  
  
"It might" me obviously.  
  
"Fine, rock paper sisscors then, whoever wins best of three is right," She 'whispered' back.  
  
"Is right about what?" I asked.  
  
"Weather or not we can get a parrot or killer penguin or not, oh yeah and the loser has to do a dance in front of everybody" she replied.  
  
"Ok, Rock paper scissors," the first hand was rock, me, and paper, her. The second hand was me, rock and her, scissors. The final hand was me scissors and her, paper.  
  
"Ma ha! You Lose!" I shouted drawing attention to myself.  
  
"No! You lose walnut head!" She shot back.  
  
"Jezzy dear, you won one, I won two. That means you must now dance," I said grinning at her.  
  
She glared at me but made her way to the middle of the line. With one last look at me she started to dance. I just burst out laughing and eventually so did Jez who made me come and dance with her. We linked each other's arm and skipped (or hopped in my case) round in a circle. We were rudely interrupted by CAPTAIN Jack himself.  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
"Dancing!" I said.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because Jez lost the game and the voices in my head told me to,"  
  
"Ah, right come on we're going now,"  
  
"Going where?" I asked trying my best to annoy him.  
  
"To the ship!" He said pointing manically at the ship.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"To rescue Miss. Swann and get my ship back."  
  
"You could have just said because." He just shook his head and began walking off.  
  
"I suppose these two will be coming along as well," Mr Gibbs said coming up behind us.  
  
"To right we are," I said.  
  
"Yup, aren't ya happy now?" Jez said grinning like an idiot.  
  
"Not really, one was bad enough now three women, this is going to be disastrous," he muttered the last part to himself and went to join Jack and others.  
  
"Wait for us you fudge monkeys!" I shouted and ran (the best I could with a sore leg) after them.  
  
"Follow me, my dear army of turnips," I heard Jez shout from behind me. Who her army of turnips were I don't know but knowing Jez they where probably in her head.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The journey was going great till the storm came. Now, I'm not a great fan of storms at the best of times but when you're at sea and the waves are crashing onto the deck it's a hell of a lot worse. (A/n - I'm not just imagining it would be worse, I know it is I've been there.) Especially when your best friend abandons you while your throwing up over the side of the boat.  
  
"You all right there Kaitlyn," Jack shouted from the wheel  
  
"In a word No!" I shouted back. I swear I have the worst luck ever.  
  
"Where did Jezebel go?"  
  
"She said she wanted to lie down, let the storm pass," I said joining him at the wheel.  
  
Another wave crashed over the deck getting me soaking wet through.  
  
"I swear the waves are aiming at me on purpose," I muttered "Cool compass."  
  
"Cool?" Jack asked looking at me curiously.  
  
"Yeah you know when something's really good it's cool, if that makes any sense."  
  
"From you yes," he said.  
  
"I resent that!"  
  
"Do you even know what that means?"  
  
"No, but that's not the point."  
  
"Then what is the point?" I think he's becoming immune to my randomness. This must be stopped.  
  
"The point is that paper shredders will attack," I said matter-of-factly.  
  
With that last comment I went to find Will so I could annoy him some more. Plus I was starting to feel better.  
  
"How can we sail to an island that nobody can find with a compass that doesn't work?" Will was asking Mr. Gibbs as I came up from behind them.  
  
"By stamping our feet and clapping our hands," I said scaring them both half to death.  
  
"Kaitlyn, don't do that again, go annoy Jack," Will told me.  
  
"I resent that!"  
  
"Do you even know what that means?" He asked.  
  
"Do you know that Jack just said exactly the same thing?" I said not budging from my spot. Much to the annoyance of Mr. Gibbs who was muttering something about being doomed.  
  
"Go away," Will shouted over the sound of the waves.  
  
"If I stay quiet can I come with you?" I asked.  
  
"If you must," Will said shaking his head as he carried on his conversation with Mr. Gibbs.  
  
"As I was bout to say, Aye, the compass doesn't point north but we're not trying to find north, are we?" He turned to Jack, how we got back here is beyond me. "We should drop canvas sir."  
  
"She can hold a bit longer."  
  
"What's in your head that's put you in such a fine mood, Captain?"  
  
"We're catching up."  
  
"Wohoo! Lets have a party!" I shouted jumping up and down only to receive glares off the three men, "or I could go and join Jez," I said making a quick departure.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yay, another chapter I'm on a roll lately go me, but it's probably because of all the nice reviews I've been getting so if you want more, review my darling daisies.  
  
Raven185 - I updated soon see?  
  
Cassie-Bear01 - Being repetitive is fun. Being insane does have its advantages like annoying people then blaming it on the voices in your head. That's always fun.  
  
BountyHunterPyro - Ok remember to breath! Do it with me breath in then out in and out. Kay? You got it? You sounded hyper on your review is that even possible? Anywhoo I'm getting of track, next time you laugh so much remember my advice and I continued Yay!  
  
The second geek rules SUPREME - Nooooo!!!! Not the legion of empty two litre Pepsi bottles *runs and hides* Sugar lords save me!  
  
Celtic Dawn star - short but sweet and I'm glad you like it; it's my aim to please fellow walnuts!  
  
P.s. I want a talking Parrot! 


	7. I Killed Aragorn!

Kaitlyn: Mwahahaha they're all mine Mwahahahaha  
  
Jezebel: Can I have one?  
  
Kaitlyn: Sure (hands her Jack's hat)  
  
Disney: Hand them back!  
  
Jezebel: No never! Bob! (A tiny spider comes crawling to Jez)  
  
Kaitlyn: Argh! Take them! Take them! I own nothing (cries)  
  
Chapter 7: I killed Aragorn!  
  
"Jez? When will the Furby's attack?" Yes you guessed it I was bored.  
  
The storm eventually passed but we decided to stay down here for a while. I don't actually know why, Jez suggested it not me.  
  
"Erm, let me check my diary, ah yes, next month." She replied pretending to flick through an imaginary diary.  
  
"Why?" I asked determined to annoy anyone that would take me on.  
  
"Because the feather dusters told them to," she replied, she to was gifted with randomness.  
  
"Oh right! Can we go on deck now?" Must fight the boredom.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I say so."  
  
"That's not good enough I'm going," I got up and started walking away when Jez came running up behind me.  
  
"Wait for me you chick-pea."  
  
~*~*~*~*~ On deck ~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Dead men tell know tales," the parrot said as we walked onto the deck.  
  
"Neither do dead parrots," Jez piped up but I hit her for it, no one threatens the parrot even if Jack won't let me have it.  
  
The crew where at the side of the deck looking out at the waters. We went and joined them, well Mr. Gibbs and Will to be exact, the rest of the crew found us funny apart from these two. So they shall be the targets of my randomness.  
  
"What was that ship called and what was the Captain called and the crew and the pet fish?" I asked pointing at one of the many wrecks.  
  
"Kait, how are they meant to know that?" Jez asked.  
  
"They might, they might be psychic or something."  
  
"How does being psychic help?"  
  
"It does because you would be able to see the furry feet invasion," I replied, Jez only ignored my last comment but I knew what she was thinking, I've watched Lord of the Rings to many times.  
  
"Puts a chill in the bones how many honest sailors have been claimed by this passage," Mr. Gibbs said half answering my original question.  
  
"How is it that Jack came by that compass?" Will asked watching as Jack put the compass away.  
  
"Not a lot known about Jack Sparrow before he showed up in Tortuga with a mind to go after the treasure of the Isla de Muerta. That was before I met him. Back when he was Captain of the Black Pearl." Mr. Gibbs answered.  
  
"Betcha didn't know that," I said still watching the many wrecks pass us by.  
  
"No, he failed to mention that," Will said  
  
"Well, he plays things close to the vest now. And a hard learned lesson it was. See three days out on the venture the first mate comes to him and says everything's an equal share as should be the location of the treasure, too. So, Jack gives up the bearings. That night there was a mutiny. They marooned Jack on an island and left him to die but not before he'd gone mad with the heat." Mr. Gibbs told Will and us though it was mainly for Will.  
  
"Ah so that's the reason for the . . ." Will started acting like Jack which made me laugh. I'm easily amused.  
  
"Reason's got nothing to do with it. Now Will, when a man is marooned he is a given a pistol with a single shot. Well it won't do much good hunting or to be rescued. But after three weeks of starvin' belly and thirst that pistol starts to look real friendly. But Jack made it off the island and he still has that one shot. Oh, but he won't use it though, save for one man. His mutinous first mate."  
  
"Barbossa,"  
  
"Aye," Mr. Gibbs said.  
  
"How did Jack get off the island?" Will asked, I resisted the urge to say something stupid. I would only result in getting poor Kaitlyn hurt.  
  
"Well, I'll tell you. He waded out into the shallows and there he waited three days and three nights till all manner of sea creature came and acclimated to his presence. And on the fourth morning he roped himself a couple of sea turtles, harnessed them together and made a raft." Mr. Gibbs said. I was beginning to like this man or maybe just this story I'm not sure.  
  
"He roped a couple of sea turtles?" Will asked.  
  
"Aye, sea turtles,"  
  
"What did he use for rope?"  
  
"Human hair, from my back. Let go off the anchor," Jack said scaring the living daylights out of me.  
  
"Gullible," I said to Jez in what I thought was a quiet voice.  
  
"Yes I know you are Kait," Will said for the side of me. "You believed him."  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"Did to!"  
  
"Not!"  
  
"To!"  
  
"Not!"  
  
"To"  
  
"To"  
  
"Not!"  
  
"Ma ha! See I am not gullible you are you fell for the oldest trick in the book," I said sticking my tongue out at him. "Anyway, you just had your first pointless conversation. You should be proud of yourself," I turned to Jez and linked her, "Our little boy is all growned up."  
  
"How do you put up with her?" Will asked Jez. What? I'm not that bad am I?  
  
"Join her!" Jez said happily, "I know Mavis look at what a fine young gentleman he's become, so strong, so gullible so Will!"  
  
"Young Mr. Turner and I are to go ashore," Jack said as he walked past us disturbing our wonderful conversation.  
  
"And us! Don't forget us!" Jez said running after them followed closely by me.  
  
"No, you two will be staying here you'll only get yourselves hurt," He said.  
  
"Will not!! I'd have you know that we're great warriors of the computer where we come from!" I blurted out.  
  
"Aha we are," Jez said trying her best to sound convincing.  
  
"Fine, but I'm not saving ye," he said turning his back to us.  
  
~*~*~*~*~ In the little row Boat ~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream . . ."  
  
"Kaitlyn, how many times do you have to sing that song?" Will said getting annoyed  
  
"Oh at least another million times," I said and carried on humming it.  
  
"Kait, I can't believe that you said we where great warriors," Jez whispered to me.  
  
"We are, on the computer,"  
  
"Kait you killed Aragorn!"  
  
"I didn't! The stupid Ranger fell off the bridge on his own accord, I had nothing to do with it!" I said and it was true the fact that I had control of him via the keyboard has nothing to do with this.  
  
"What code is Gibbs to keep to if the worst should happen?" Will asked. I'm sure they actually do here our conversations, my voice can't whisper, but they choose to ignore them and just change the topic.  
  
"Code? No-one mentioned a code," Jez said.  
  
"Maybe we weren't listening," I said knowing we wouldn't get an answer out of these two peanuts sat in front of us.  
  
"Pirates code, any man that falls behind is left behind," Jack said. That's a nice thought, I wish I'd stayed on the boat now but no, Kaity's mouth doesn't know when to stay shut.  
  
"No hero's amongst thieves, eh?" Will said looking at the treasure at the bottom of the little river thing we were sailing down.  
  
"You know for having such a bleak outlook on pirates you're well on your way to becoming one. Sprung a man from jail, commandeered a ship of the Fleet, sailed with a buccaneer crew out of Tortuga .and you're completely obsessed with treasure." Jack said peering down at the gold as well. Well, if they can look so can I.  
  
"Oh shiny," I said reaching down only to have my hand smacked by Jack who was glaring at me.  
  
"That's not true, I'm not obsessed with treasure,"  
  
Just them we saw a group of pirates assembled before a man and a woman. I guessed this was Elizabeth.  
  
"Not all treasure is silver or gold, mate," Jack said.  
  
"No it can be magenta as well," Jez said, I sniggered from behind her.  
  
"Or sky blue pink, although I'm not sure what colour that is exactly," I added.  
  
"I think it is the colour of monster dandelions," Jez said. If Jack and Will had eyes in the back of their heads we probably would have seen them rolling round about now.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I'm sorry about the wait for this chapter, the sugar lords decided that they hated me and gave me the . . . (creepy music comes on) Writers block. But you now have a brand spanking new chappy to read or as the case may be all ready read. So review and receive an e-hug and a piece of Aztec gold!!!!  
  
A girl and her muses - you are evil but I like the idea. You have to wait for the next chappy for the violence though!  
  
Niccy-b - a pink one? That is so you. Look I got over the dreaded writers block yay!! Tar for the over review as well.  
  
Celtic Dawn Star - Thanks, sorry about the wait.  
  
Jlm - yay I like recommendations, tis good. The more the merrier. I'm glad you like it so much!  
  
Raven185 - sorry it took so long but it is here now.  
  
Maiden of Darkness - I'm glad you like it and I will keep it coming don't you worry! 


	8. Why does she get one and I don't?

Kaitlyn: Mwahahaha they're all mine Mwahahahaha  
  
Jezebel: Can I have one?  
  
Kaitlyn: Sure (hands her Jack's hat)  
  
Disney: Hand them back!  
  
Jezebel: No never! Bob! (A tiny spider comes crawling to Jez)  
  
Kaitlyn: Argh! Take them! Take them! I own nothing (cries)  
  
Chapter 8: Why does she get one and I don't? Why was I never taught to shut my mouth? I'm going to die real soon. The four of us where lying in a sort of small cave thing with a window. Well that's what I decided it was like.  
  
"Elizabeth," Will whispered from the side of me.  
  
Something bad is going to happen there's a terrible smell or maybe that's just the pirates but I'm not sure but still something bad is going to happen. I mean it's not everyday your lying in a cave thingy watching pirates who are cursed because of some Aztec Gold is it? Something bad is going to happen and I need to stop saying that.  
  
"Jack? I know this is a really bad time but I lied when I said that I was a great warrior," I said waiting for the big WHAT? To come.  
  
I'm still waiting.  
  
Yup, any minute now poor Kait is going to be told off yet again.  
  
So whilst waiting for the inevitable (death and a telling off, god how I love my life) I decided it might be a good idea to listen to . . . um . . . whatsitsface? Barbossa that was it.  
  
"Every last piece we have returned save for this one," he pointed to the medallion around Elizabeth's neck. Why does she get one and I don't?  
  
"Jack!" Will said whilst scrambling up but only succeeded in being pulled down by Jack and disturbing some of the gold. They probably heard that so I might as well say my goodbyes now.  
  
"Not yet we wait for the opportune moment," what to say goodbye? It'll be no use when I'm dead will it? Also when did I become so morbid? What time is it and what was I about to do? Ah yes say goodbye. (As for the time thing I have no watch, poor me.)  
  
"Jez . . ." I began only to be shushed by her.  
  
" When's that? When it is of greatest profit to you?" Will said.  
  
"May I ask you something? Have I ever given you reason not to trust me? Do us a favour, I know it's difficult for you but please stay here . and try not to do anything stupid. And as for you two, Kaitlyn I knew you were lying so just don't get yourself killed savvy?" Jack said walking/crouching out of our little home/cave-y thing.  
  
"Listen," Will said turning to us, "Kaitlyn do you remember what Jack said in the tavern?"  
  
"Kaitlyn! What the hell are you doing here, I believe where his exact words," I said as the memories of a possessed chair came back to me.  
  
"No, about leverage," he said.  
  
"Ah yes," I said.  
  
"Well he's not using me as bait for Barbossa just so he can get his ship back I'm going to stop him," he said. (A/n - ARGH!! Why can't I think of another word for said?)  
  
"And this has to do we us . . . because?" Okay so that didn't really make any sense but I'm clueless so sue me, wait, don't cause I only own whatever is in my bag.  
  
"You two are going to go silently and carefully back to the boat and wait for me and Elizabeth okay?" No fair, I wanted to fight or maybe not cause I don't want to die but still, no fair.  
  
"Fine!" I grumbled.  
  
"We'll go and tell the fish that the shark is coming and watch them swim away frantically," Jez said joining me. Even though Jez does say some nasty things to animals sometimes she really does love them but she's easily bored.  
  
We scrambled out of my newfound cave home and made our way back to the boat. We remained silent, which is hard for us Jez doesn't even shut up in her sleep, until we heard a gun shot. We froze.  
  
"He shot me," I heard from back in the big cave full of shiny things (I need to think of better names for these places.) I let out a breath I didn't even realise I had been holding in then carried on walking.  
  
We reached the boat and sat down on the rocks beside it.  
  
"Kait? Do you ever have the sudden urge to call Will Legolas?" Jez asked me.  
  
I laughed, "yeah," I replied and picked up a small rock and started writing my name onto the rock. I got as far as Kaity-Lou and was about to write the date when I realised that I didn't know it.  
  
"Jez? What year is it?"  
  
"2003 of course, wait, no, I don't know," she said looking at what I was doing, "You have a fascination with doing that don't you?"  
  
"Yeah, ever since I was little, there must be tons of rocks all over the British countryside with my name written on them," I wrote 2003 anyway just to confuse some poor soul.  
  
"I wish they would hurry up," Jez said suddenly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"Are you sure you weren't born a hobbit?"  
  
Jez couldn't reply because Will and his lady love (awww) came running to the boat and leaping in. They started to row when Will remembered about us and brought the boat back.  
  
"Thank you, my mighty spaghetti eating hamster," I said climbing in making the boat rock by 'accident'.  
  
"Who might you be?"Elizabeth asked us when we were save from the soap shy pirates.  
  
"I'm Kaitlyn and this is Jezebel, we're from the planet Nokia and we are here to take over your world with our annoying ringtones that we play over and over again," I said looking at her. Don't get me wrong I like her but I've been to busy thinking about dieing that I forgot about being annoying.  
  
Elizabeth just laughed though. So I left her to ogle at Will while I looked at the four of us. Wait Four! Shouldn't there be five of us?  
  
"Where's Jack?" I asked.  
  
"Like I said I took care of him," Will said not looking at me. I guess he was upset that he would now have to put up with my randomness all by his lonesome now.  
  
We eventually got back to the Interceptor in time for QUESTIONS!! Yay!  
  
"Not more pirates," Elizabeth said. What did she expect? The Royal Navy? I guess she did actually being the governor's daughter and all.  
  
"Welcome aboard Miss Elizabeth," Mr. Gibbs said. Where's our welcome aboard? I give up trying to be accepted by this man, he clearly doesn't know that I am in league with dancing potatoes.  
  
"Mr. Gibbs?" She said as Will climbed on board  
  
"Hey Boy, where be Jack?" Mr. Gibbs said.  
  
"Jack? Jack Sparrow?" I guess she was to busy ogling at Will to hear me mention him before.  
  
"He fell behind," Will said leading Elizabeth away.  
  
Jez and me left the crew to do crew-y things and went in search of food, again. We found our way to the galley and started to rummage through the culinary delights. I decided that since the bulk of the food was potatoes we would be having chips, hopefully.  
  
"Chips do you?" I asked Jez.  
  
"Yay, my favourite. Do you wanna see if Will and Elizabeth want some?" she said and then added, "Cause I like peeling potatoes."  
  
"Strange child," I said as I walked out of the galley to find them.  
  
After turning the wrong way countless times I heard Will saying something, so I headed straight in and what did I see? A nice shiny piece of gold. I still don't know why she gets one and I don't.  
  
"Oops, sorry I didn't mean to intrude it's just we were hungry and we wanted to know if you would like something to eat with us," I said.  
  
"Sure we'll be up in a few minutes and don't burn the ship down Kaitlyn," Will said. I walked out quickly and shut the door. As soon as I got out of earshot I burst into fits of laughter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Well there you go another chapter. First thing first I won't be updating this as often now so it'll be updated once a week. Blame school not me they gave me all this evil coursework to do and it isn't even the end of the hols yet. Secondly don't forget to review by pressing the nice button down there Kay :).  
  
Savvy - I gained your approval? Wow cool. Falling down stairs is not good neither is dying but at least you would die happy lol. Thank you.  
  
Celtic Dawn Star - Sowwee (sniffles)  
  
Jlm - I'm glad you are.  
  
A girl and her muses - Look I updated and I talked about you again oh and I used your idea, thank you.  
  
Mrs-Will-Turner - Not the purple monkey dishwashers! RUN! Save yourself!!  
  
Raven185 - I updated, I'm a good girl. I'm glad you think it's funny, thank you.  
  
Niccy-b - Lol, it's just so you I couldn't help it, what's your fave bit in this and where is your fic?  
  
Okay dokey here's a piece of Aztec gold and an e-hug for you all. REVIEW!!!! 


	9. Kaity meets some smelly pirates

Kaitlyn - A brand new disclaimer. Lets have a party.  
  
Will - ~*~ bound and gagged ~*~ Met Mee Mo.  
  
Kaitlyn - No! I own you, your mine all mine Mwahahaha!!  
  
Jack - you know Kait that there's sugar over there ~*~ points to a door~*~ that's it through there ~*~ slams door shut and locks it ~*~  
  
Kaitlyn - You won't get away with this! I will own you all after my minions bring me my army of cabbages!!!!!! Just you wait!!  
  
Chapter 9 - Kaity meets some smelly pirates.  
  
"I want a dinosaur," I said at last. I didn't managed to make chips; I got annoyed with the potato and mashed it to bits. The meal (Well food was there available just not chips) would have been fine if Will wasn't in such a bad mood. I figured that now wasn't the time to bring up the fact that I wasn't happy that Elizabeth got gold and I didn't. Still think it's not fair.  
  
"I'm going on deck now, are you two going to join me?" Will asked.  
  
"If only the frogs would stop following," Jez said completely ignoring Will. Which of course is what we have been trying to do all through the ritual known as eating.  
  
"Kaitlyn?" He asked me, well he didn't ask me anything so how does he expect me to answer?  
  
"What?" I said.  
  
"Are you coming?"  
  
"That depends," I said determined to annoy every one aboard so far it only worked on Will.  
  
"On what?"  
  
"If you will become a member of RAG," I said smiling.  
  
"No fair, how come he gets to be a member and I don't?" Jez said.  
  
"You are a member just I forgot to tell you," I said turning to her, meanwhile that pelican known as Will walked out without us. We where going to go honestly.  
  
So we followed him to the deck. We still have to follow people as we still can't find our way around and to think it's just a boat and it's not even that big.  
  
"Hands aloft to loose t'gallants. With this wind she'll carry every sail we've got," Mr. Gibbs shouted as we reached the deck. Elizabeth was running after him and the crew, well the crew where just running round like demented chickens who had seen a pie machine! I laughed.  
  
"I don't want to be a pie I don't like gravy," I said to Jez, "What is happening anyway?"  
  
"The Black Pearl is gaining and you really should start listening more instead of thinking about Chicken Run. I know you have the accent and all but now is not the time," Jez said getting all bossy on me. Sometimes I wonder if they got our birthdays wrong. I'm meant to be the one that's a couple of months older. I should boss her about.  
  
We walked up to where Elizabeth was talking to Anamaria. I tried my hardest to pay attention but I can't help it if I'm easily distracted.  
  
"We're shallow on the draft right?" Elizabeth said.  
  
"Aye," Anamaria replied.  
  
"Well can't we lose them amongst those shoals?" Don't you just hate a know it all? Okay an update on the paying attention thingy, it went down the drain. Basically, Will shouted something and then the anchor dropped and the boat did a cool u-turn thingy. Then one of the crewmembers tried to steal my bag.  
  
"Hey! Get your own bag Mister!" I shouted. How dare he? "Why don't you take Mr. Gibbs's Rum doodad instead?"  
  
The pirate went up and snatched the rum doodad off Mr. Gibbs much to his annoyance. I just laughed. It was fun being annoying. I was shook out of my happy state when a cannon ball rocked the boat. We where next to the Black Pearl now but instead of being scared as I would normally would in this situation, even though I have never been in this situation before, I started to think of why it was called the Black Pearl and not the Purple Polka Dotted Pearl. Much better name if you ask me, you can even shorten it to PPDP.  
  
I was brought back to reality from my thoughts yet again. The pirates from the PPDP (as it shall be now known) were swinging across to our boat. And lo and behold one lands right in front of me.  
  
"Hi! How are you? I'm Kaity by the way and your . . . dead!" I said as one of the pirates on the good side (us) stabbed him from behind. T'was a lovely site really it was. I decided that it probably would be a good idea to say thank you to the nice person who saved me.  
  
"Thank you . . . erm . . . which one of you saved me?" I asked the countless number of people running about. I dodged a falling pirate that had got hit on the head with a sack of potatoes.  
  
"Me!" I jumped at the voice from behind me and spun round to see who it was.  
  
"Jack!" I shouted and hugged him. I really had thought that Will had killed him till I remembered the movie but I was glad to see him all the same.  
  
"Monkey!" Jack said and ran after it.  
  
"Where? I want the monkey!" I said and tried to follow only to be grabbed by a smelly pirate. I turned to see Jez get picked up by another smelly thing and swung across onto the PPDP. I turned to my pirate god he was ugly and stunk but that's really not the point.  
  
"Have you ever heard of deodorant?" I asked.  
  
He just shot me a look that said shut up or you'll die. But this didn't shut me up I had to say one more thing.  
  
"Didn't think so," this only got me a smack across the face. I was about to attack the demon smelly person when someone pulled me back. It was of course Jack who just glared at me.  
  
"If any of you as so much think the word parley I'll have yer guts for garters," one of them said.  
  
I was about to ask Jez what that meant when the Interceptor blew up. I jumped and hid behind Jack. I closed my eyes even though I couldn't see the flames.  
  
"Kaitlyn, it's all right you don't have to hide," Jack said. I didn't say a word (shock, shock, horror, horror) and kept my eyes closed.  
  
"She has a fear of fire, it's that bad she won't even light a match," Jez said.  
  
Just then Will jumped onto the ship. Now I bet your asking how I knew this since I had my eyes closed and was hiding behind Jack. Well, I'll tell you Will actually is a robot and makes bleeping sounds all the time so I heard the bleeps of course. What? You don't believe me? Fine, both Jack and Jez whispered Will at the same time. Are you happy now? You are? Good.  
  
"Barbossa," Will said. I suddenly had a thought, stuff like that happens often, how the hell did he get off the boat? It just exploded for cheeses sake. I debated this thought for a while and came to the conclusion to ask Jez.  
  
"Jez?" I still didn't open my eyes even though there where probably no more flames.  
  
"What? And Kait open your eyes please?" She said.  
  
I opened them and looked at Jez, "How did he get off the boat?"  
  
"Sea turtles?" I sniggered. (A/n - Lol, tar girl and her muses)  
  
SQUAWK!  
  
I looked about for the parrot. I hope it didn't get barbequed. Luckily it flew overhead and landed on the mast.  
  
Will was pointing his pistol at Barbossa and Barbossa was just smirking. I think I hate him more than Mr. Gibbs.  
  
"She goes free," Will said looking at Elizabeth.  
  
"You've only got one shot and we can't die," Barbossa said. I wondered that if you kicked him where the sun doesn't shine would hurt him? Must remember to try it some time.  
  
Jack shifted beside me and said, "Don't do anything stupid." I gathered he was talking to Will. I'm so clever at times.  
  
"You can't . . . I can," Will said pointing the gun at his head. Oh, this can't be good or clean. I doubt he would be able to get the bloodstains of his deck. But that really isn't the point at this moment in time.  
  
"Like that," Jack said.  
  
"Who are you?" Barbossa asked Will. Jack ran up to Barbossa.  
  
"No-one. He's no one. A distant cousin of an aunt's nephew twice removed. Lovely singing voice, though. Eunuch." He said.  
  
"My name is Will Turner. My father was Bootstrap Bill Turner, his blood runs through my veins," Will said. Well it was obvious it was Will who had said that but if you're me these things tend to go right over your head.  
  
"He's a spitting image of ol'Bootstrap Bill come back to haunt us." One of the pirates said.  
  
"On my word do as I say or I'll pull this trigger and be lost to Davy Jones' locker," Will said the gun still pointing at his head.  
  
"Name your terms, Mr. Turner," Barbossa said. Thinking about it Will's last name does sound a bit like Turnip. That was a completely random thought that wasn't relevant at all.  
  
"Elizabeth goes free," He said like a stuck record except he wasn't round and black and flat and well played music if you stuck a needle on him. Although I hadn't tried that, I'll do it later.  
  
"Yes, We know that one, anything else?" Barbossa said.  
  
Me, Jez started jumping up and down pointing to ourselves. Jack also pointed to him self.  
  
"Kaitlyn and Jezebel go free as well and the crew are not to be harmed," Will said. Yay, we go free.  
  
"Go on walk the plank," said a pirate somewhere there was rather a lot of them. Jez and me where pushed forward and Elizabeth was walked onto the plank.  
  
"Barbossa, you lying bastard! You swore she'd go free!" Will said. Language William. I didn't dare say it aloud because the pirate who had smacked me one before was next to me again.  
  
"Don't dare impugn me honour, boy. I agreed she'd go free it was you who failed to specify when or where." Barbossa said as Will was gagged, "Though it does seem a shame to lose something so fine, don't it lads?"  
  
The pirates erupted into a chorus of "Aye's". Again I feel like people have forgotten about us. Oh well.  
  
"So I'll be having that dress back before you go." Barbossa said to Elizabeth. She took the dress off and threw it at him. You go girl!  
  
"It goes with your black heart," she said to Barbossa.  
  
"I always liked you," I heard Jack say to one of the pirates that was beside him.  
  
Barbossa lifted the dress to his face and said, "Oh, it's still warm." Okay first I just didn't like him, now he's giving me the creeps. I'll jump willingly if it gets me away from him.  
  
One of the pirate closet the plank had enough of waiting and kicked it so Elizabeth fell in. I heard the splash and was then pushed onto the plank myself. I walked to the edge and peered down. That really is a long way down and there are still flames. No bad, bad, bad. This pirate obviously had no patience and kicked the plank again.  
  
AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Mwahahahaha a cliffy. I love making you all gasp or maybe not but still it's a cliffy all the same. Now remember reviews make the author (moi) very very happy so review. It's just a click of a button it's not that hard really.  
  
Girl and her muses - Thank you for the idea and I used it again, yay!!! Crazy peoples are fun.  
  
Celtic Dawn Star - you do? Awww thanks.  
  
Captain Sophie - Thank you. I forgets stuff all the time but I did remember to update.  
  
Jlm - my randomness astounds you? Cool. I like your little dance.  
  
Raven185 - I hate school, they make my brainwork. Anywhoo I updated and I'm glad you like it.  
  
Finally Nicola (niccy-b) has her own POTC fic out called Slowly Driven Mad. Go R and R cause I will send my army of mutant sausages after you if you don't. Tis very funny. Nicola is Jezebel in this story just so you know.  
  
Finally Finally, RAG is the Randomness Appreciation Group. I invented it because no one appreciates randomness any more. Well most people don't. 


	10. A Plastacine Bridge

Kaitlyn - A brand new disclaimer. Lets have a party.  
  
Will - ~*~ bound and gagged ~*~ Met Mee Mo.  
  
Kaitlyn - No! I own you, your mine all mine Mwahahaha!!  
  
Jack - you know Kait that there's sugar over there ~*~ points to a door~*~ that's it through there ~*~ slams door shut and locks it ~*~  
  
Kaitlyn - You won't get away with this! I will own you all after my minions bring me my army of cabbages!!!!!! Just you wait!!  
  
Chapter 10 - A Plastasine Bridge.  
  
AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
SPLASH!!!!!  
  
I hit the water at top speed and by George it is cold. Okay think warm thoughts . . . erm . . . a hot water bottle . . .. Hot chocolate . . . Curry . . .. The sun . . .. Ice-lolly. . No you idiot that's cold. Okay start again . . . hot steaming cup of tea . . . the Caribbean . . . yeah this is the Caribbean so the water should actually be quite warm.  
  
AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
I turned round to see Jez jump off the plank and hit the water. I started to swim back to her when something hit me on the head, I'm going to end up with brain damage by the end of this (A/n - yes I know I'm evil to keep hitting Kait on the head but I'm torturing her Mwahaha * cough * haha). I looked down to see a black object floating to the bottom of the deep blue sea. Guns should be banned especially if they hit me on the head.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I woke up on a beach. The stupid matal thing knocked me out. I looked around and saw Jez. Jack and Elizabeth sat around the fire. I got up and walked to them.  
  
"Hey! What you doing my fellow chopsticks?" I asked sitting next to Jez.  
  
"Seggittegging beggy egga ceggamp feggiregge,"* she replied. Why is she talking in egg? * I'll translate at the end of the chappy *  
  
Before I could ask what the hell did she just say Elizabeth spoke up.  
  
"Yegges, beggut yeggoeggu meggust geggo teggo thegge breggidgegge keggaeggitleggyn," she said pointing to the trees.  
  
"Okay, what did you just say cause I didn't know you could speak egg?" I said even more confused.  
  
"She said," I turned to see who had spoken this bit, it was a monkey, "that you must go to the bridge Kaitlyn."  
  
"W-what bridge?"  
  
"Oh dear, follow me darling I'll show you," the monkey said bounding off into the trees. I followed it out of curiosity more than anything.  
  
It lead me into a clearing in the trees were a stream ran through. Across the stream there was a bridge but it was bright yellow. Barbossa was stood by it moulding an end into the shape of a stick man.  
  
"Why Hello my dear, I take it you'll be wanting to cross me bridge," he said not looking up.  
  
"Um . . . Yeah?" I said unsure about what was going on. They never showed this in the movie.  
  
"Well then that'll be three chocolate chip cookies please," he said holding out his hand. Since when did Barbossa say please?  
  
"I don't have any . . ." I started but was interrupted by a tugging at my jeans leg. I looked down and saw a Nac Mac Feegle (a/n - Nac Mac Feegles are from a Terry Pratchett book called the Wee Free Men. It's very good.) He was covered in blue tattoos and was dressed in a kilt that had seen better days. Now I am dreaming.  
  
"Weel noo, you have two choices here mistress, one you can offski an' two we can hit im on the heid for ya. I'd go for the second one if I wuz you," the feegle that had tugged on my leg said. (A/n - they're Scottish)  
  
I was in shock so I just nodded my head.  
  
"Aye ok." He held up his sword and turned round "you heard her lads GIT IM!"  
  
As fast as you could say offski a whole army of feegles charged at Barbossa. A couple of them climbed up Barbossa, who was now running about screaming, wuss, they reached his head and head butted him. He took one look at the little blue dude and fell over.  
  
"Wohoo go blue dudes!" I shouted jumping up and down clapping my hands. Like I said before Barbossa gives me the creeps.  
  
"Aye, but you dun know why yer ere do you?" One of them asked.  
  
"Well, no but I'm just going to go back to my friends now if you don't mind," I said turning around.  
  
"Crivens! NO! You cannea go back mistress they've been turned," he shouted.  
  
"Into what?"  
  
"One of them, mistress, they no longer see what's really there," he said again.  
  
"One of them? Don't see?" These people are more confusing than an upside down back to front road sign.  
  
"Aye, watch this," just then Jez came running into the clearing.  
  
"Jez! Jez! Lookie then Wee Free Men!" I shouted over to her pointing to the group.  
  
"What are you talking about Kaitlyn? There's no one there. It's just sand and grass." She said in a very non-Jezzy way.  
  
"Of course they are look! And there's Barbossa!" I said pointing frantically at the floor. Why can't she see them it's not fair? Well they are tiny and she's like way tall but still why?  
  
"Kaitlyn, are you okay?" She asked me. It was then that it dawned on me.  
  
"Oh my bag of skittles your normal!" I said looking at her in her eyes.  
  
"Why yes Kaitlyn and so will you be in a minute," she said. She took a step back and whistled a very off tune melody that sounded like something George of the Jungle.  
  
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"  
  
CRASH!  
  
Elizabeth had swung on a vine and crashed into a tree. Jack who was staggering closely followed her into the clearing.  
  
"Hiya! Kaity -loo the loopy loo! How are you?" He said suppressing a fit of giggles.  
  
"Aye, I told you they had been turned, your only chance is to git acrooos the bridge but . . ." The Nac Mac Feegle paused nervously moving from foot to foot.  
  
"But what?"  
  
"It's made outa plastacine, it might not hold a big job," he said. He better be grateful that I have read the book and know that big job means a normal sized being and not a fat person.  
  
"PLASTACINE!?!" I screamed. I knew this was a suicidal mission.  
  
"Aye!" He said looking down.  
  
"KKKKAAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTTLLLLLYYYYNNNNNN!!!!!" the three 'turned' people started wailing. Their arms where whirling about all over the place and they started to glow yellow then green then blue then . . . well you get the idea.  
  
"You will be turned Kaitlyn," Elizabeth said advancing on me.  
  
"Aye, you will," Jack said. The three closed in on me. I looked around for the Feegles. They had disappeared. Great, I'm going to die what ever I do.  
  
"Eep!"  
  
"Kaitlyn!" What? Now I'm hearing voices in my head?  
  
I decided that the bridge was the better option, as I didn't like the odd colour the others had turned. I turned towards it but to my surprise Will was speeding down the stream in a speedboat with Legolas and Aragorn.  
  
"YIPEE! I'M SAVED! YAY!" I ran towards them and jumped on the boat that had slowed down.  
  
"Do you not know your name?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Well, no!" I said.  
  
"YEEHAAA!" Will shouted from the wheel. "I'm a cowboy now!"  
  
"Yeah right Will, what did Barbossa do to you?" I asked.  
  
"He feed me lots of sugar and sweet things so that I will grow fatter so that he could cook me in his gigantic cooker called the Black Pearl," I said matter-of-factly. Great we have a sugar high blacksmith, a cute elf and a rather annoyed looking ranger.  
  
"DUCK!" Legolas Shouted.  
  
"What where?" I said looking up. Stupid me got the wrong meaning. The boat was going under the bridge. It wouldn't have been that bad if it hadn't turned into wood.  
  
"Ow!" I'm definitely going to end up with brain damage at the end of this. As per usual I knocked myself out.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"How many times does one person need to knock themselves out?" Jack asked Jez as he put Kait down on the sand.  
  
"Erm lets see it's happened about three times now so times that by 456.32 then take 11 you get A LOT!" Jez replied, "Do you think we should throw water on her?"  
  
"She's wet enough," Elizabeth said.  
  
"Okay I'll just poke her then," Jez sat down beside Kait and started poking her side. Just then Kait sat bolt upright banging heads with Jez.  
  
"YOU STUPID POINTY EARED NIDJIT! And ow!" Kait said rubbing her head. "Wait! Where's Legolas and Aragorn and Will and the speed boat and, and the bridge?"  
  
"Erm, Will was captured and Legolas and Aragorn don't belong here." Jez replied.  
  
"Are you Normal?"  
  
"Hell no Kaity loo the Loopy loo."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yes I know that was a pointless chapter but I really did dream that. I'm also avoiding doing coursework course I really don't want to go back to school. Okay since I start back on Thursday I'm going to try and get the rest of this written on paper but I want you to tell me if you would like a sequel with Jez and Kait so then I can think up ideas Kay? So review my darlings and let me know.  
  
Captain Sophie - Thank you. I'll tell you why, there are very few of us in this world who are crazy sane (that is were crazy is your normal state of mind) we are the normal ones. So if some one looks at you strange when you shout out random words it's because they are insane. Kay? Did that make any sense?  
  
Jlm -of course they like you.  
  
Niccy-b - t'was good and funny? Yay! When are you going to update again?  
  
Raven185 - I updated soon see?  
  
TRANSLATIONS!  
  
Seggittegging beggy egga ceggamp feggiregge - Sitting by a camp fire.  
  
Yegges, beggut yeggoeggu meggust geggo teggo thegge breggidgegge keggaeggitleggyn - yes, but you must go to the bridge Kaitlyn. 


	11. Jack the Ripper!

Kaitlyn - A brand new disclaimer. Lets have a party.  
  
Will - ~*~ bound and gagged ~*~ Met Mee Mo.  
  
Kaitlyn - No! I own you, your mine all mine Mwahahaha!!  
  
Jack - you know Kait that there's sugar over there ~*~ points to a door~*~ that's it through there ~*~ slams door shut and locks it ~*~  
  
Kaitlyn - You won't get away with this! I will own you all after my minions bring me my army of cabbages!!!!!! Just you wait!!  
  
Chapter 11 - Jack the Ripper!  
  
That dream was extremely weird but what do you expect from an extremely weird brain. Basically after I asked Jez if she was normal and she gave me an answer I was sure I had heard before she told me off for getting knocked out yet again. It's not my fault that the gun had to pick me to knock out.  
  
"Kaity you were knocked out yet again and no doubt you'll get knocked out again. Honestly by the end of this you'll be dead then I'll have to complete the mission of turning the world crazy-sane all be myself and that won't be fun," Jez said shaking her head at me.  
  
"Sorry?"  
  
"You better be oh lookie Jack and Elizabeth. How did they get dry so quickly?" Jez said looking over at our two companions.  
  
"It's simple. Magic." I replied.  
  
"Magic?"  
  
"Yup, it's the answer to everything I don't know the answer to," I said matter-of-factly.  
  
"No it's not you usually come up with some stupid idea that makes everyone laugh."  
  
"Okay that to then."  
  
She just looked at me then burst out laughing. I didn't say anything funny. I don't understand Jez sometimes; actually I don't understand most things but that's not the point.  
  
"Kaitlyn! Jezebel! Go with Elizabeth to help collect fire wood," Jack shouted taking a sip of his Rum. Why can't he go? I'm injured for cheese's sake. Luckily for me Jez thought the exactly same thing.  
  
"Why can't you go? Kaity's injured remember!" She shouted back.  
  
Jack just mumbled to himself while Elizabeth, who was stood just behind Jack, started laughing. Again, we didn't say anything funny. Finally Jack swaggered over to us and dragged me to my feet.  
  
"See she can stand so you can go get some wood savvy?" Jack said.  
  
"Quick Kaity fall down," Jez said in what she would consider a quiet voice but of course Jack heard her. He just raised an eyebrow and smiled a little. He quickly stopped smiling when he realised that I knew. Now I bet you are thinking what I know. Well I'm not telling you.  
  
La di da!  
  
Okay I'll tell you. Jack actually likes Jezzy and me no matter how much we annoy him. (A/n - as in friends nothing more how many times do I have to say this is not I repeat not a Mary-sue?) I'm not completely hated Yay! The reason he doesn't want anyone to know is because what self respecting pirate would actually get along with two fifteen year olds? Ma ha I can use this for blackmail later. That parrot will be mine Mwahahah * cough cough * hahaha!  
  
"Come on girls let's leave Captain Jack to his rum," Elizabeth said joining us. I really didn't have a choice as she grabbed my arm and pulled me along. So in turn I grabbed Jez and pulled her along behind me.  
  
We walked for what seemed like ages to my little my mind but in fact it was like three minutes. Elizabeth stopped and starting picking up wood from the floor, which is why we were here, but still I have to tell you because I just have to. After about thirty seconds of watching I decided we needed something better to do. I looked around and saw a palm tree with coconuts on. I had an idea.  
  
I ran to the tree and started skipping round it and singing I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. Jez noticed what I was doing and joined me. We held hands so the tree was in the middle of us and started skipping round again singing at the top of our voices.  
  
"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts didlee dee, Here they are standing in a row, 2 3 4, Big ones, small ones some as big as your head, Give em a twist, flick of your wrist, That's what the showman said!"  
  
Elizabeth meanwhile just stood and watched shaking her head occasionally. I didn't think we were doing anything stupid. She started to chuckle as we sang the song for a second time changing the direction that we were skipping.  
  
"Come on Elizabeth join us!" Jez said breaking the circle so she could join.  
  
"I don't think so," she said.  
  
"Why?" I whined. She sighed and walked to us joining hands.  
  
"I suppose but I don't know the words," she said trying to get out of it. That will never work.  
  
"So?" I said and started skipping again so she couldn't get away.  
  
"Oh! I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts . . ." Jez and me started up again.  
  
After awhile Elizabeth settled into it and began laughing as we began making our own version up.  
  
"Oh! I've got a lovely bunch of cheesecakes!" I began.  
  
"Here they are half eaten and blue!" Jez sang.  
  
"Erm . . . red ones, blue ones some as green as grass," okay Elizabeth needs a bit of work on her randomness but it will do.  
  
"Pick one up throw it about!" I sang.  
  
"That's what it's all about!" Jez sand changing it to the hokey cokey.  
  
We ran forward towards the tree dragging Elizabeth, who was now in hysterics, with us. We must of carried on for ages when Elizabeth broke free and told us we had to collect the wood now or else Jack would not be happy.  
  
"You don't want to get a pirate angry do you?" she said picking up some fallen branches.  
  
"No!" Jez said shaking her head.  
  
We collected loads of wood and were on our way back when a butterfly flew past distracting me. I turned away from the group and followed it.  
  
"La di da, Hey! Where did the purdy flutterby go?" I looked around for the others and realised I didn't know where the hell I was. Kaity-lou did it again. I sighed and took a deep breath in.  
  
"HELP!" I shouted hoping someone would rescue me or at least show me the way back. What if it was Jack the Ripper who came? I could die. No! I'm too young to die!  
  
There was a rustling sound from behind the trees. I got ready to run but out came Jez. That's better than the Ripper. She can't kill me. I hope.  
  
"Jezzy! I'm lost show me the way back!" I said to her as she came closer.  
  
"Erm . . . I don't know the way back." She said.  
  
"Great now Jack the Ripper really will get me," I sighed and looked around, "and the purdy flutterby is gone."  
  
"There was a flutterby? And I didn't know?" She said a look of shock on her face.  
  
"Yup!"  
  
"Goodness sake! I always miss the good things," she sighed.  
  
We stood in silence for a few minutes waiting for . . . something. Our wonderful silence was interrupted by another rustling sound. I jumped and hid behind Jez.  
  
"I don't want to die! It's Jack the Ripper Jez it's him!" I said pointing to the trees.  
  
"What!?! Well I don't want to die either! TREE!" Jez ran towards the tree leaving me to die. I feel so loved. I did the only thing know how. Follow her.  
  
The figure emerged from the trees and walked towards us. It was getting dark now and I couldn't make out the figure. I am going to die young.  
  
"Maybe if we close our eyes he won't be able to see us cause we can't see him," Jez whispered. I just shut my eyes not bothering to correct her.  
  
It all went quiet.  
  
"Is he gone?" I asked.  
  
"Don't know, look!" She said.  
  
"Why do I have to?"  
  
"Because!"  
  
I sighed and opened my eyes.  
  
AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
HaHa! Cliffhangers except there are no cliffs to hang from. Well sorry it took me a while to update but school is evil! Anywho Review my strawberry jams!  
  
A girl and her muses - Yay! A rhyme and a fixed computer! Lol pixi stix.  
  
Raven185 - it was a strange dream and I really dreamt it as well.  
  
Niccy-b - pointlessness is fun your right!  
  
Orangejuiceisgood - I updated see? I like the word savvy!  
  
Gotta_have_me_orange_juice - I wrote more! Thanks!  
  
Ashley - thanks!  
  
Lauren - Tar!   
  
Jlm - it was The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett. It's a good book! 


	12. Agnes and Ingrid!

Kaitlyn - A brand new disclaimer. Lets have a party.  
  
Will - ~*~ bound and gagged ~*~ Met Mee Mo.  
  
Kaitlyn - No! I own you, your mine all mine Mwahahaha!!  
  
Jack - you know Kait that there's sugar over there ~*~ points to a door~*~ that's it through there ~*~ slams door shut and locks it ~*~  
  
Kaitlyn - You won't get away with this! I will own you all after my minions bring me my army of cabbages!!!!!! Just you wait!!  
  
Chapter 12 - Agnes and Ingrid!  
  
"Kait! Kaity! Goodness sake! Kaitlyn Louise Ingrid O'Connor! It's not Jack, well it is but it's not the ripper!" Jez shouted breaking me away from my screaming and shouting that I'm going to die.  
  
"What the hell do you want Jezebel Agnes Ewing?" I shouted back "he he Agnes!" What it's a funny name?  
  
"Ingrid!"  
  
"Agnes!"  
  
"Ingrid!"  
  
"Agnes!"  
  
"In . . ."  
  
"Alright! Stop it!" Jack (not the ripper) shouted, "Just come back to the fire savvy?"  
  
"He, he savvy!"  
  
"Kaitlyn!"  
  
"Sorry"  
  
Jack walked off followed by me and Jez who still muttered Ingrid and Agnes along the way back. When we reached the fire Elizabeth was sat on the sand looking at the rum bottle as if it was poison, which it is so good for her.  
  
"Jack I'm thirsty," I whined.  
  
He handed me a bottle of rum. I looked at Jez who just shrugged.  
  
"Jack? I'm 15 I can't drink till I'm 18 that's a whole 3 years yet," I said handing the bottle back.  
  
He just looked at me and shook his head. I can't help it if I'm a good girl. Which I am aren't I? It's not like I disobey orders and such. Okay so lets just leave it there.  
  
Jez and me sat down and carried our little argument over embarrassing middle names. Agnes, I mean what sort of middle name is that? Wait. What sort of name is Ingrid? Why oh why did I have to be named after a woman I never met. So it's a middle name but still Ingrid?  
  
"Holy sweet sugary goodness I have a spot!" Jez shouted, "ON THE TIP OF MY NOSE!"  
  
"What?" I said knowing exactly what she had said.  
  
"Spot! Nose! NOOO!" Jez said pointing to a rather hideous spot on the tip of her nose. If it weren't for the death glare I was receiving I would have laughed.  
  
"Weeeelllllll, you can hide for a few days or," I said.  
  
"Or what? Come on Kait this is a major, major problem!" She said shaking me. I was going to hold out for a bit longer but the thought of damaging the bit of brain I have left made me cave.  
  
"You could shrink it with toothpaste but . . ."  
  
"Kait! There is no THOOTHPASTE!! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SHRINK IT WHEN WE HAVE NO BLEEDING TOOTHPASTE!" Jez shouted standing up.  
  
"If you let me finish you would have found out that alcohol works just as well" I said smiling sweetly at her.  
  
"Really?" She said calming down.  
  
"Yup! AcHOO!"  
  
"Kaity! Don't come down with a cold please." Jez said puling me up from the sand.  
  
Of we trudged (lol trudged) to find alcohol. Where's the best place to look for alcohol on a desert island with a drunken pirate, two teenagers and a lady? Yep that's right kiddies the drunken pirate.  
  
A half full bottle was in the sand just a few yards from Jack who was telling Elizabeth about the time who had pretended to be a cleric in the Church of England. I really do pity her I'll rescue her from the drunken pirate after but by the looks of it she's getting a bit tipsy.  
  
"Ma ha! This is a vital clue to the mystery of the abominable sand man!"  
  
"He was drunk?"  
  
"No! He was purple with yellow diamond spot things."  
  
"Right Kait!"  
  
"I know I am," I said handing her the bottle, "AcHOO!"  
  
"KAITY!"  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"You better be," she dabbed at the spot with the alcohol saturated tissue (were did that come from?) "Ow, ow! This hurts!"  
  
"Exactly, no pain no gain, deal with it!" With what does she respond to this with? Violence! The little sour cream kicked me!  
  
"How bout? More pain less gain but it only applies to you?"  
  
I stuck my tongue out at her. For once I was stuck for a comeback.  
  
"ACHOO! Bless me! I'm bored!" I said writing my name in the sand.  
  
"So am I!"  
  
"That's good!"  
  
"A ha best thing to happen in about the last thirty seconds."  
  
"Yep."  
  
"I know lets build a sand castle!" Jez said.  
  
And so we did. It consisted of a mound with a shell on the top. Jez tried to put Dusty on top. That girl has no respect for my inanimate friends. I told her this and she said that it was time for my medication and that inanimate objects can't be my friends. What does she know?  
  
"We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs. Drink up me 'earties yo ho! Yo ho yo ho a pirate's life for me." We heard coming from the campfire.  
  
We looked and saw two rather drunk people dancing round the fire. It looks like fun but then again so does dangling Jez into water full of hungry sharks but that would be dangerous.  
  
Before we could join them Jack collapsed on the floor and tried to make a move and Elizabeth. Tsk, he should know better but then again he is a pirate so . . . I forgot were I was going with that. Jack passed out on the floor.  
  
Jez jumped up and started skipping round the fire humming a tune that I knew but couldn't quite remember. I hate my memory it sucks like a big huge sucking black hole. Do black holes suck?  
  
"If hadn't been for Cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married along time ago." Jez sang  
  
"Where do you come from? Where do you go? Where do you come from cotton eye Joe?" I finished.  
  
I ran and joined her linking arms and doing the dance. I told you it looked fun so we used our own song, what's the difference?  
  
Elizabeth interrupted our dance.  
  
"Girls? I want you to help me with something?" She said.  
  
Hmmmm, I like the sound of this.  
  
She whispered to us her plan and we set about it. The only sound that could be heard was the occasional sneeze.  
  
"Agnes!"  
  
"Ingrid!"  
  
Oh and that to.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Okay, sorry this is not as long as some of the others but it's here now and I have been up since seven this morning and it's now ten at night.  
  
Who can believe that I've been back for only twelve days and have had so much work to do? School is run by apprentices to the devil in fact most teachers are apprentices as well. So, review and remember you can't eat highlighters no matter how much they look like candy!  
  
Prozac Addict1 - I don't want to be hanged by my toenails, skinned alive and dropped into the Dead Sea!!!! I'll finish it don't worry * Hides in a corner * lol!  
  
Don'ntknowaname - 2 ribs broken? Ow! And all because of little old me! Since you have no name I'll name you . . .. Paper mache!  
  
Oil Pastel - I live like half way between Manchester and Liverpool! And yay u got the point that it's not a Mary Sue I mean what Mary sues get spots?  
  
Niccy - b - Get well soon Kay?  
  
Celtic Dawn Star - Yay! My story is loved!  
  
Raven185 - I know I saw it a few weeks ago * tear * okay that would have been to obvious!  
  
Jlm - thanks, of course there loads more to come I don't want it to end I like Jez and Kait too much!  
  
Gotta_have_me_orange_juice - you confused me *folds arms and glares * yay! I like you!  
  
A girl and her muses - True true! I sound like a bud commercial!  
  
Lookie at all the reviews! Thank you so much to everyone!!! 


	13. Shiny Coins and Giant Fish!

Kaitlyn - A brand new disclaimer. Lets have a party.  
  
Will - ~*~ bound and gagged ~*~ Met Mee Mo.  
  
Kaitlyn - No! I own you, your mine all mine Mwahahaha!!  
  
Jack - you know Kait that there's sugar over there ~*~ points to a door~*~ that's it through there ~*~ slams door shut and locks it ~*~  
  
Kaitlyn - You won't get away with this! I will own you all after my minions bring me my army of cabbages!!!!!! Just you wait!!  
  
Chapter 13 - Shiny coins and Giant Fish!  
  
"Kait! The voices in your head are telling me to hit you over the head with this branch if you don't stop singing Consider yourself," Jez said looking at me pleadingly.  
  
"Well, firstly, why are my voices talking to you? Get your own thief. And secondly, nope! Consider yourself at home!"  
  
"Kaitlyn! Remember if we wake Jack up he'll stop us making a signal for the British navy. Now please be quiet." Elizabeth said carrying some more bottles to the fire we had started.  
  
"Okay." I said nodding.  
  
"What? How the hell did she shut you up when I'm your friend and you completely ignore me," Jez said getting ready to pound me with the branch if I said the wrong answer. Shame I don't know the right answer.  
  
"Because . . . Because . . . she didn't threaten me with physical violence which would just lead to pain and misery for you," I said matter of factly. I think I'm losing the ability to be funny, I couldn't think of anything funny to say. What's happening to me? Why, oh mighty sugar lords why?  
  
Jez who had decided to hit me over the head anyway luckily with her hand not the branch, rudely interrupted my trial of thought. That would have been just traumatic for the tiny thing that I pass off as a brain. Very traumatic indeed.  
  
We headed to the 'Rum Cellar' as we had nicknamed it (a/n - think wine cellar but with, of course, rum) Elizabeth had asked us to help her in her mission to rid the planet of yoghurt throwing coconut people. Well maybe not, but a slightly deranged girl can still imagine can't she? We had to throw all the rum onto the fire so that we could make a signal so we could be rescued.  
  
"Jez? Why do we have to make a signal and be rescued? I was hoping we could stay here and create a race of demented butterflies that will take over the world eventually and we will rule it."  
  
"We have to be rescued, member? So that Jack and Will can save the day and blah blah blah! Then, we can take over the world with demented butterflies. Plus it would be fun to see Jack and Will's faces when they have to bow down to us and clean our shoes and rooms and make us chocolate MWAHAHAHAHA!" Jez said rather manically. She's scaring me now.  
  
I looked at her with big eyes then stepped sideways to get away from her.  
  
I'm beginning to think I shouldn't have mentioned the whole demented butterflies taking over the world I've given her ideas. Next thing you know she'll be trying to make monkeys bow down to her then get them to steal Patrick (the pen of inkiness) off me. In fact, what if she's already got them on her side? I could be doomed to an eternity of dodging crazy monkeys. NOOOOOOOO!  
  
"The parrots are MINE!" I shouted and ran away as fast as I could.  
  
I reached the cellar way before Jez did. It would take her about five minutes to register I had run away. The cellar was almost empty now as the sun was just rising and we had been at it for like 15 years.  
  
With the newfound light I decided it was about time I explored this little cellar doodah, you never know what you might find in hidden places like these. There could be elephants, magic lamps, and genies . . .. Wait! That's Aladdin! Oohh! I might find him here yay! I always wanted a magic carpet they look so fun and environmentally friendly. There's also a parrot in Aladdin but then again there's also a monkey. We both have minions in the world of Arabian nights! Now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head for the rest of like the next ten minutes. Oh well there's enough room for it.  
  
My trail of thought was yet again interrupted. This time not by my arch nemesis, Jezzy-Bell the Monkey Queen, but by a shiny thing. It was glowing from behind some remaining bottles. It was calling out to me.  
  
"Kaity! Kaity! Come to me cause I'm a nice shiny thingy!"  
  
How could I resist it? The lovely shiny thingy all alone in this dank rum cellar with only a spider and a coconut for company for at least a year. I went to it and made the discovery of a lifetime. A nice, shiny coin all for me. I picked it up and let it shine in the light. This was so much fun, in fact, it was so fun that I didn't notice Jez walk in.  
  
"Kait!"  
  
"Shiny!"  
  
"Kait!"  
  
"Purdy shiny coin!"  
  
"Kaity!"  
  
"Pretty lights!"  
  
"For the love of sugar! Kaity-Lou!" She shouted.  
  
"Huh? What? Where am I?" I said.  
  
"You know where you are, you're on Mars remember, on the mission to find out if Mars Bars really do come from here."  
  
"Oh yeah. Lookie what I found." I said holding out the coin for Jez to see.  
  
"It's a coin," she said, reaching out to take the coin off me. I snatched it away before she could get her hands on it.  
  
"Finder's keeper's, losers take the last bottles to Elizabeth!" I said cradling the coin.  
  
Jez just sighed and walked out with the bottles in hand.  
  
We got back just in time, Elizabeth threw the last bottles on just as Jack awoke. Poor Jack, his favourite drink burnt to oblivion by three women. This must be terrible for him; I mean I couldn't live without Fanta.  
  
"No! Not good! Stop! Not good! What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade, the RUM!" Jack said running towards us. I just knew that rum would come up. I also knew that Elizabeth was to deal with the mad, hungover pirate and I was not to say anything stupid.  
  
"Yes, the rum is gone." She said walking off.  
  
"Why is the rum gone?" Jack said waving his arms about manically. He must really be mad now. If there were a prize for stating the obvious I'd win it every time.  
  
"One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they won't see it?"  
  
"Only if there is suddenly snow or possibly rain but in the Caribbean that is highly unlikely," Jez said in her intelligent voice. She only uses it occasionally but when she does she puts even the cleverest fish to shame. Of course she only has the intelligence of a fish but still.  
  
"But why is the rum gone?" Jack asked again.  
  
Elizabeth sat down on the sand and stared at the horizon. I'd tried to see what she was looking for but all I could imagine was huge jumping fish coming towards us.  
  
"Just wait, Captain Sparrow. You give it one hour, maybe two, keep a weather eye out and then you will see white sails on that horizon." Why white? Why not purple or pink?  
  
I turned round and saw Jack take his pistol out, point it at Elizabeth then change his mind and put it back. It was actually a lot funnier than it sounds but of course you can't see it (unless you went to the movies).  
  
Jack just stalked off in a mood, leaving the three of us to stare out into the distance waiting for the giant fish to come.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Another chapter up and more writer's block for me! this is what school does to me, makes me less funny and hyper!!!! So pleeeaaaasssseeee let me know what you think. I would be so gratefull! Anywhoo review my darlings!  
  
Niccy - B - lol i know I'm an evil child.  
  
Lena - Thanks, i do have Yahoo messenger actually. I've put my user name up on my bio now!  
  
Paper Mache - I'm glad your ribs are better. Yay! Chocolate Chip Cookies!  
  
Jorja - Thanks.  
  
Celtic Dawn Star - Yay! You do love my story! Wohoo do a dance!  
  
Jlm - more chapters is exactly what i said!  
  
Tabby Kitten - There is nothing wrong with Ingrid your right!  
  
Raven185 - Yay! i made you smile!!!  
  
CheerCheerBubblegum - I'm a fanfic inspirierded! Go me! I've not had a chance to check out your story but I will do soon! 


	14. Girly Wigs

Kaitlyn - A brand new disclaimer. Lets have a party.  
  
Will - ~*~ bound and gagged ~*~ Met Mee Mo.  
  
Kaitlyn - No! I own you, your mine all mine Mwahahaha!!  
  
Jack - you know Kait that there's sugar over there ~*~ points to a door~*~ that's it through there ~*~ slams door shut and locks it ~*~  
  
Kaitlyn - You won't get away with this! I will own you all after my minions bring me my army of cabbages!!!!!! Just you wait!!  
  
Chapter 14 - Girly Wigs.  
  
"But we've got to save Will," Elizabeth cried at her father.  
  
"Yup we sure do!" I said trying to hurry things along. I was bored, so bored in fact I know how many planks of wood is on this deck. It is . . . I forgot.  
  
"No your safe now, we will return to Port Royale immediately not go gallivanting after pirates! And these two young ladies parents must be worried sick about them." Governor Swann said. He actually noticed us yay!  
  
"That's a good point what will our parents be thinking 'How long is this film?" I said to Jez.  
  
"Nope! 'Wohoo they've finally gone' is more likely what they're thinking," Jez said.  
  
"Then we condemn him to death!" Elizabeth said. I figured she was talking about Will or Barbossa. I'll go with Will.  
  
"The boy's fate is regrettable but so is his decision to engage in piracy," Governor Swann replied. Bored again.  
  
"To rescue me, to prevent anything happening to me," that's it Elizabeth play the good little daddy's girl card, works like a charm.  
  
"If I may be so bold as to interject my professional opinion. The Pearl was listing near to scuppers after the battle. It's very unlikely she'll be able to make good time. Think about it, the Black Pearl, the last real pirate threat in the Caribbean, mate. How can you pass that up?" Jack said. I knew he had a heart somewhere no wait he has one it's just full of cold bloodied revenge and a tiny bit of love.  
  
"Huh? I didn't understand a word of that," I said looking at Jez for help.  
  
She just shook her head and said, "Your job when we get back is to die your hair back to brown."  
  
"Why? What colour is it?" I asked pulling a piece in front of my face. (A/n - sorry to all blondes I didn't mean any offence) I got what she meant and just glared at her. I'm not that bad or so I'm told.  
  
Whilst we debated about hair colour, the conversation carried on. I'll clue you in. Elizabeth accepted Norrington's proposal (Why Elizabeth? Why?) Jack is know about to say that infamous line we all know and love. Ready? 1, 2, 3!  
  
"A wedding? I love weddings! Drinks all around," Jack threw his arms up in the air then noticed to guards stood at either side of him, "I know, clap him in irons right?"  
  
Then came a load of battle plans. I've never heard so much nonsense in my entire life. I told Jez this and she just said I didn't understand it because I only have an IQ of 6. I would just like to say it's not 6 it's 16! Hah!  
  
Maybe it is 6!  
  
Nah! It's definitely 16!  
  
Just as I was about to ask Jez about the colour of my hair, a guard came a dragged me and Jez away. I turned round and noticed the same thing was happening to Elizabeth. Stupid time where women can't do anything, Pah! What a load of toothpaste!  
  
We where locked in a room with a desk and loads of junk. I liked it; it was cosy and a little messy. Elizabeth was fuming about being locked away and was ranting mindless nonsense which seemed to make sense, which means it couldn't have been nonsense. I'm confused now.  
  
We left Elizabeth to her rants and went searching for mementoes of our time in the Caribbean. I wanted to take sand home but Jez said that was stupid. I need to stop listening to her. Whilst we searched Elizabeth calmed down and came to talk to us.  
  
"Here's the plan girls, listen carefully."  
  
Elizabeth whispered her plan to us and we all agreed to it. Anything was better than watching Norrington boast to his men outside. I feel like telling him his wig makes him look like a girl. In fact, I will.  
  
"Hey Norrington!"  
  
"Kaitlyn No! We don't want to attract attention to ourselves," Elizabeth said looking at me warningly, to bad it was too late.  
  
"Did some one shout me?" Norrington said placing his arm around Elizabeth's waist and winking to his men outside. I don't like him. I don't like a lot of people or is it a lot of people don't like me. Not sure.  
  
"Ya! I did. I wanted to say . . ." I paused thinking up a brilliant cover story. Happy birthday? Nah! Happy Bulling Awareness Week? Possible! MAHA! I got it! "Congratulations!" I'm so clever.  
  
"Thank you but now is not the time," He said turning away.  
  
"No! The time is half past my wrist," Jez said nodding and prodding at her wrist.  
  
Norrington just shook his head and went. Thank God.  
  
"What's Plan B?" Jez asked when the coast was clear. I never did get that saying.  
  
"There is no Plan B," Elizabeth said tying the bed sheets together preparing for the big escape.  
  
"There is a Plan KYAG!" I said. (A/n - Are there any Darren Shan Fans out there?)  
  
"KYAG?" They both asked.  
  
"Yes! Kiss Your Ass Goodbye! Remember that kiddies when you find a big pointy sword or a nice shiny gun pointing at you," I said suddenly having the urge to hum the great escape tune.  
  
Eventually we finally made the made shift rope. Elizabeth was just about to throw it out of the window when her father (who's wig also makes him look like a girl but I kept my mouth shut this time) came and shouted through the door. Elizabeth just shook her head and climbed out. I went next then Jez followed. She only just missed being caught by Governor Swann.  
  
We remained silent in the boat. Elizabeth was rowing because she didn't trust us. I happen to think I'm a very trustworthy person. I suppose I can be mean at times and I lie occasionally . . . I'm shutting up now.  
  
I realised I didn't have the foggiest clue where we where going. I though about using my superhuman eyes to see in the dark or maybe my psychic abilities. Then I remembered I didn't have any of them. Oh well, I'll have to ask Elizabeth.  
  
"Where we going?"  
  
"To the Black Pearl!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Hey Hey! I'm back and in business! I'm sorry about the wait but I've had some big problems with the Internet but it is sorted and I've updated Wohoo!!!!! I'd once again like to apologise to anybody who took offence to the blond gag. My friend really did say that and I thought I would share it with the world. Kay! Don't forget to review!!!  
  
Celtic dawn Star - Yay! I'm soooooo happy and a little hyper!  
  
Paper Mache - mmmmm I loved the cookies thanks mmmmmmm I won the battle against the dreaded . . . I'm not going to even say it.  
  
Platinumslayer - the cult of spiders? No one told me about them! * Glances nervously round the room * People look at me wired all the time don't worry!  
  
CheerCheerBubblegum - I reviewed see? It was kinda crazy! That's what mint imps do to you or it might just be me.  
  
And finally Kait wants to say something.  
  
"Are we there yet?" 


	15. Supercalifragalisticexpeallidocious

Don't own Pirates of the Caribbean or Will or Jack or the Black Pearl . . . (rambles on for three hours) . . . think that's it . . . yup it is! Anything else belongs to me!  
  
Chapter 15 - supercalifragalisticexpeallidocious  
  
"Are we there yet?"  
  
"No"  
  
"How about now?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Now?"  
  
"NO! And for the love of God stop asking if we are there yet."  
  
I decided that Elizabeth sounded pretty annoyed so, with my best interests in mind, it would be best if I shut up. I looked around to see if I could see something to take my mind off asking pointless and annoying questions. I saw . . . nothing.  
  
Well, to tell you the truth, I thought I saw a demonic coconut but it turned out to be some rocks. Oh well, there goes my plan of taking over the Mint Imperial factory with a brand spanking new army of demonic coconuts. I didn't think it would work anyway.  
  
"Are we there yet?" I asked again after giving in to the boredom.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"No!"  
  
"How about now?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"You mean it this time?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Good! Or is it bad? I could die and go to the giant fish bowl in the sky! Jez I'm scared."  
  
I hid behind Jez as we crept into the cave (again). There's something about walking into a cave full of stinky pirates, with wooden eyes, pointy swords and loaded guns that scare me. I can't think why.  
  
It was then I realised we weren't in a cave; we were stood up in the boat facing an even bigger boat. I didn't see this one coming.  
  
"Can I ask a question?" I asked sticking my hand up in the air.  
  
"You already did now be shush." Jez said kicking me in the leg. I glared back at her then turned to Elizabeth. She looked at me as if to say Yes ask away, so I did.  
  
"Why is the Titanic here? Shouldn't it be at the bottom of the sea or at least not being invented at all?" I asked pointing to the thing we were next to.  
  
"It's the Black Pearl Kaitlyn and Jezebel stop kicking her."  
  
I stuck my tongue out at Jez only to be kicked again.  
  
"Oh, that makes more sense and please call me Kait or Kaity or at a push the Lord of Flutterby Cream," I said as Elizabeth began climbing up.  
  
"Yes Kaity! Now be quiet and hurry up," I'm sure I heard Elizabeth mutter 'I'm never having kids' I'm so flattered! Really, I am!  
  
As we climbed we saw the monkey (I still want it!) some pirates playing cards and something my young eyes should not be exposed to.  
  
Broccoli.  
  
I shuddered and clambered on board following Jez and Elizabeth. I nearly got caught once but it turned out only to be an abandoned mop. It honestly looked like a person, an extremely thin person but a person nonetheless.  
  
We went down into the hold to rescue the Crew from Baloo, well, I thought they would have been grateful as it stinks of rotting fish down here but no Mr. Gibbs had to be rude to me. Demented pirates.  
  
"Ssh! Elizabeth!" Mr Gibbs said.  
  
"What about me and her and the fish and the dog and the man who lives three doors down?" I said.  
  
"Thank god all three of ya came!"  
  
"That's better matey!"  
  
Mr. Gibbs laughed. Wait, did I just say the he laughed?  
  
I did, well would you look at that I made him laugh. Yay!  
  
"I just made you laugh yay!" What? I have a habit of pointing out the obvious.  
  
"You'll make a good pirate yet Miss Kaitlyn!" He said as Elizabeth opened the cell door.  
  
"Really? Yay! And can I be the captain of the Purple Polka Dotted Pearl?"  
  
"Yes Miss Kaitlyn!"  
  
"Yay! And can I . . ."  
  
"Shut UP!" The whole crew shouted. Puh! Just they wait; soon they will be bowing down to me in the fish market!  
  
We tagged along as two of the pirates threw the other two evil pirates over board. That didn't make sense but never mind but neither does supercalifragalisticexpeallidocious but it's known worldwide.  
  
"All of you with me. Will is in that cave and we must save him. Ready? And heave! Please, I need your help, come on!" Elizabeth shouted to the crew. I didn't pay much notice to what was being heaved as my Purdy parrot was here.  
  
"Any port in the storm," Yay it spoke again.  
  
"Cotton's right, we've got the Pearl," Not liking Mr. Gibbs that much anymore.  
  
"What about Jack? You're just going to leave him?" Elizabeth shouted.  
  
"Jack owes us a ship!" Some random sailor shouted. I'm sure they just pop up from nowhere.  
  
"There's the code to consider," Mr Gibbs said.  
  
"The code? You're pirates, hang the code and hang the rules. They're more like guidelines anyway." That's it quote the big evil dude, it always works.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ out at sea in a little row boat~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Bloody pirates!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yeah, I know it's short but I've been Ill please forgive me. Anywhoo, I don't want this story to finish I like it too much. I'm thinking about doing a sequel, I have three different ideas for an ending so let me know what you think kay? Oh and don't forget to review!  
  
A girl and her muses - you are not a baka! Stop calling yourself save that for I dunno, three weeks from now when you find a frog :P.  
  
Raven185 - updated!  
  
Jlm - Darren Shan is an English author whose books (The saga of Darren Shan) have been published all over the world and in about 18 different languages.  
  
Bubblegum - Hey girl! Can't help you about the uploading issue ANYONE GOT A MAC OS9 COMPUTER CONTACT BUBBLEGUM OF CHEERCHEERBUBBLEGUM! Let's see what happens!  
  
Paper Mache - mmmmmmmm thanks for the cake me and my mum loved it. GO BLONDES! Technically I can be classed as a brunette, red head and blonde so yay for me!  
  
Tabby Kitten - Why are the Disney people evil?  
  
CheerCheerBubblegum - He he piano of doom!  
  
Until next time folks!  
  
SPREAD THE HALLOWEEN CHEER!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Lots of love n hugs Nikkifier! 


	16. Confuzzled!

Don't own Pirates of the Caribbean or Will or Jack or the Black Pearl . . . (rambles on for three hours) . . . think that's it . . . yup it is! Anything else belongs to me!  
  
Chapter 16 - Confuzzled!!!  
  
~Puts on her Posh English accent~  
  
My dear Turnips of Garlic!!  
  
Unfortunately I have come down with a rather serious bout of writers block. Such a dreadful thing and no cure would you believe it?  
  
As well as this very serious condition of the brain I have some rather important tests coming up which will take up a lot of my time so updates are going to become less. I would also like to announce that taking a jumper off while you have plaits in your hair can be rather dangerous just look at the state off my face tut!!  
  
I would like to say thank you to my loyal reviewers who keep me going through these dark times of winter. Here are you personal responses by Jez and Kait! Enjoy!  
  
Kait: O.o  
  
Jez: That girl is slowly losing her mind!  
  
Nikki: Losing my dear? I'm afraid it's all ready gone!  
  
Kait: Whatever here are our responses!  
  
~Oil Pastel~  
  
Kait: Nikki says hi but we had to gag her!  
  
Jez: I agree that Mary Poppins is evil! Glad your enjoying it!  
  
~Cheercheerbubblegum~  
  
Kait: Hehe I like you, you seem to be on sugar which is good!  
  
Jez: ARGH!!! Where's the piano of doom? Where?  
  
~Tabby Kitten~  
  
Kait: How dare they not release POTC till December! That's soooo wrong wait till I get there!!!  
  
Jez: Kaity calm down!  
  
~A girl and her muses~  
  
Kait: How did Nikki know you had a frog? See must be psychic or a medium ooohhhh she could be on TV!!  
  
Jez: I worry about you. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
~Paper Mache~  
  
Kait: Yes Nikki is multicoloured hair girl all natural as well! Her hair is brown with natural red and blonde streaks. I think its purdyful!  
  
Jez: O.o I'm not sure Kaity will get her PPDP, infact I don't want her to because she said she will throw me over board!  
  
Kait: Hmph! It will be mine don't worry!!  
  
~Jlm~  
  
Kait: He is an interesting guy . . . wait! Who am I talking about?  
  
Jez: Darren Shan! Bob Marley died of Liver cancer? Maybe I'll stay here but never grow old so I can see him live . . . yeah!! 


	17. Examining Rocks!

I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney does blah blah blah ..  
  
Chapter 17 - Examining Rocks!  
  
We sailed to the cave in silence. This was most unusual for Jez and myself but a thought had just occurred to me. For the past week or so we had been trapped in a movie that could possibly end our lives and I miss my friends and family and have no way of knowing what is going through their minds right now.  
  
The site of the Stinky Mafia did not help my current depressed state. Elizabeth rushed in ready for action but I stayed put. Now was my time to reflect on my wonderful yet strange life, as well as this rather odd last week.  
  
I decided that since it was likely I was going to die and I was done reflecting I would take my last look at everyone.  
  
I watched Jack fighting Barbossa at one end of the cave, his beaded hair flailing and hitting him in the face. It must be painful for him I mean I can scratch my face with a bobble just by walking down a street. But that was not the topic at hand. The impending doom was. He flashed his trademark smile, as he got the better of Barbossa, and his gold teeth shone. They're really shiny and pretty and shiny and shiny, AHEM!  
  
I turned my attention to Will and Elizabeth fighting off three pirates. As I watched I noticed that they occasionally looked at each other lovingly. As much as I love romance and the whatnot I really don't think a fight is a good place for all the lovey-doveyness. But still it's sweet, but not like sugar.  
  
I took this moment to thank god for letting me meet someone who looked like Orlando Bloom because I don't think I'm ever going to get the chance to meet him with me being stuck here in the Caribbean over 200 years before he is actually born.  
  
It was now that Jez decided to make her move. She to had realised what on earth was going on and had taken the previous moments to reflect.  
  
She decided to run straight into the battle after her reflections and see what happened but there was an obstacle in her path.  
  
Me!  
  
She ran straight into my back and sent me flying. I'm thinking of investing in a pair of wings for myself. They would come in very handy don't you think?  
  
"Kait!!! What are you doing down there?" Jez said mockingly. Oh, how I love this girl.  
  
"Well Jezzy, I decided that my new hobby is examining rocks, it's very interesting really it is!" I replied. In was so not in the mood to be messed around. God help any pirate that happens to cross me.  
  
I looked up and came face to face with the aforementioned pirate. Well actually it was more like face to foot but still you get what I mean.  
  
If you want good horror story, stick with me, if not run away now. This pirate was the most ugliest thing I have ever seen. He was tall, thin and his hair kind of looked like seaweed. He reached for his sword and I noticed that his fingernails were black and rather chewed. He pulled it out and flashed a toothless smile at me. It was enough to make me want to throw up.  
  
Just as I thought I was dead, I heard a shot ring threw the air. The pirate and I turned to see what had happened buying me a couple of minutes to get free.  
  
If I had thought of it, that is.  
  
I remained where I was, partly through fear and partly because I'm just to plain thick to know when a good time to skid addle is.  
  
Anyway, back to what the gunshot was. When I turned round I saw Elizabeth paused mid-step. Will stood by the medallions. Shiny AHEM! Jack was standing with his gun pointing at Barbossa who was smirking.  
  
"Ten years you carry that pistol and now you waste your shot." Barbossa said.  
  
"He didn't waste it," Will said dropping the final medallions into the chest.  
  
Barbossa dropped his sword and looked at the blood seeping from his wound. It's definitely not a sight for the squeamish.  
  
"I feel . . . cold," Barbossa managed to say before falling to floor an apple rolling from his hand.  
  
I tuned back to face my pirate he was in pure shock. I took this as my chance and kicked him where the sun doesn't shine. He doubled over in pain and nearly landed on me if I hadn't rolled out of the way.  
  
I got up and looked around, Elizabeth and Will were talking while Jack was collecting as much gold as he possibly could. Jez was jumping up and down thanking everything inanimate thing that she could see. I think she got an adrenaline rush from the whole thing. I didn't join in Jez's festivities.  
  
"What's the matter Kait?" She asked genuinely concerned for once.  
  
"I'm ready to go home now," I said waiting for the never-ending moan.  
  
It never came.  
  
"Yeah, so am I. We can write this up for a story of fanfiction.net and tell our tale without being sent to a loony bin," She said smiling and also without a hint of sarcasm in her voice.  
  
I burst out laughing and followed the rest out of the cave back to the Dauntless.  
  
"Oh, can we just stay for the end of the movie though?" She asked.  
  
As much as I wanted to go home it wouldn't be to bad to stay a little longer besides I never did get to see it in the cinema.  
  
"Sure why not."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I have a feeling you'll all be wondering we the sudden change in writing styles? Well, I got a couple of reviews criticising the way I write, especially about Jez and Kait's personality. I decided to give what they said a try and Ta daa!!! Let me know what you think.  
  
Also, sorry about the shortness and the wait. And the jury is still out on the idea about a sequel so don't despair just yet folks.  
  
Reviews!  
  
Paper Mache - Kait said that she's glad you think so. My hair is interesting and a mess at the moment. Don't worry about the updates they'll be done ASAP I promise!  
  
A girl and her muses - Ooooo Normal is a baaaaaad word!  
  
Maryn - Did you receive my e-mail?  
  
Cheercheerbubblegum - Good cure!  
  
Gloria Patri - Point taken Did you like the newer and improved chapter? 


	18. Heaven is a place on Earth

I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney does blah blah blah ..  
  
Chapter 18 - Heaven is a place on Earth.  
  
We got back in the rowing boat and noticed the tension between Will and Jack immediately. I didn't like it, it wasn't unusual or anything I just didn't like it.  
  
"I'm sorry Jack," Elizabeth said breaking the silence.  
  
"They done what's right by them. Can't expect more than that," he replied.  
  
It took me a while to figure out what they were talking about, as I was shattered. I realised they were on about the Black Pearl. All Jack had wanted was his ship back but now it had gone without him and he was most likely doomed to death. I got the impression that Norrington didn't like pirates much.  
  
I pulled my knees up and put my head on them. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wasn't planning on going to sleep or anything but my eyes just wanted to close for a few minutes.  
  
I woke up on a cloud. It took me a few minutes to register where I was. Then it dawned on me.  
  
"I'm dead? Ah for goodness sake! I'm too young to die! NOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
I fell to the floor or onto a cloud floor if you want. I burst into tears. I couldn't handle anymore someone really dislikes me up there.  
  
"Why are you doing this to me? Huh? Think you're so big and hard huh? Well come on then COME ON!!! Show yourself!"  
  
"Who are you talking to Kait?" It was Jez.  
  
I turned round to face her but she wasn't there.  
  
"Look up Lu-Lu!" She said.  
  
I did as she said and saw her floating down carrying a pink umbrella over her head. She really reminded me of Mary Poppins. She was wearing a white dress with gold embroidery. Her blonde hair was shiny and the past week or so's dirt had been washed out.  
  
I looked down at my self and found I was wearing exactly the same thing. I shuddered at the site of me in a dress. I hate them. I told you someone up there really dislikes me.  
  
"Don't we look good? Look!" She swirled round letting her dress swish about "Aint it cool?"  
  
"Cool? Jez we're dead! DEAD! We cease to exist, we are no more, we went bye bye, kaput!" I said getting really annoyed.  
  
She looked at me slightly wounded then smiled.  
  
"Kait, we're not dead. This is another one of your demented dreams see?" She clicked her fingers and a parrot came flying down and landed on her shoulder.  
  
I smiled and then began laughing. If this really were a dream then the parrot would do, as I wanted it to. I watched as it squawked and lifted its tail. I watched Jez's face turn from one of joy to complete horror.  
  
"Kait! How could you? The Purdy dress!"  
  
I laughed as the parrot flew away. I closed my eyes and yawned. When I opened them again I was back on the Dauntless. I was lying in a bed, an uncomfortable one at that. I looked round and saw Jez lying in a bed across the room from me. I got up and went to the deck thinking it was still night.  
  
I opened the door only to be blinded by a bright light.  
  
"ARGH! My eyes! It burns us precioussss!"  
  
I slammed the door shut and watched tiny bright lights dance about in front of my eyes. I followed one around and ended up making myself dizzy.  
  
I opened the door again this time letting my eyes adjust to the light. I looked around. The place was empty apart from a man at the helm and Will and Elizabeth sneakily getting a few moments together. They were standing and looking out to see. I jumped up and down to try and see what they were looking at. Sometimes I hate being short. It gets me nowhere.  
  
I eventually climbed some steps and looked out. The sun was shining on the calm sea making it look shiny. Shiny. Ahem! I sudden had the urge to burst into song and annoy them. What? I haven't down that in ages, I'm having withdrawal symptoms.  
  
"OOOOOHHHH, baby, do you know what that's worth? OOOHH heaven is a place on Earth, they say in Heaven Love comes first, we'll make heaven a place on Earth OOHHHH."  
  
"Kaitlyn! Be quiet please!" Elizabeth said as her and Will walked towards me, "You know what will happen if me and Will are caught together!"  
  
"Heaven is a place on Earth," I finished quietly.  
  
I stayed and chatted with them for a while until Jez finally emerged. I sometimes think Jez and me were separated at birth. She opened the door and shouted the same thing I did. Then when she reappeared she started singing.  
  
"I got chiiils, they're multiplying, and I'm losing control, cause the power your supplying, is electrifying!"  
  
I laughed then joined in "You better shape up cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you. You better shape up, you better understand, to my heart I must be true!"  
  
I turned to Will and Elizabeth and they were laughing as we'd gathered quite a large crowd.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Wahey an update! Aren't you proud of me? Well I am!! I've been so busy lately that I just haven't had the time to update but now I have Wohoo!! Please check out my new story Miss A. Aunt!  
  
Oooooooo POTC is released this week!!! But poor me has to wait till xmas.  
  
Oil Pastel - True it has gotten more serious but I've been told it's better now.  
  
MeaghanM - You love my story? Wow thanks.  
  
CheerCheerBubblegum - you should wear you're glasses! I'm honoured that you've put Jez and Kait in your new chapter Thank you.  
  
A girl and her muses - true it is evil!  
  
Gloria Patri - Thank you x2! I worked hard to improve my story and I'm glad you like the new and improved version. ARAGORN!!! * sees your p.o.ed face* Gulp!  
  
Niccy - b - Your alive!!!!! Yaaaay!!! I'm always on messenger! 


	19. Break ups and Make ups

I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, Disney does blah blah blah ..  
  
Chapter 19 - Break ups and Make-ups.  
  
"Kaitlyn! Come Here! Don't run away from me! I told you would get Elizabeth and I into trouble!"  
  
I skidded round the corner as Will managed to get a set of double doors open. Somehow the handles had managed to be jammed together, I can't figure out how.  
  
I turned round and yelled, "You laughed! Admit it you were enjoying it!"  
  
Just as I said that Will managed to get the door fully open. I didn't have a clue where I was going. I ran through another set of double doors, there was nothing here to jam them with so I just ran as fast as my little legs could carry me. I slipped on some water and flew into a room. I sat on the floor moaning, I was beginning to think my days of falling over chairs or onto my backside was over, but no, some Muppet put water there.  
  
I heard Will's footsteps come pounding down the stairs.  
  
"Kaitlyn!"  
  
"If you keep shouting at me like this, you'll only incriminate yourself more," I said trying to sound calm.  
  
I jumped up and faced him.  
  
"She's right mate!"  
  
"Arrrrgggghhhhhhh! Who is it? What do you want? I Aint got no money all I got is erm . so mouldy bread crumbs and Patrick the pen!" The voice laughed.  
  
I jumped and hid behind Will. The cheeky sod even had the nerve to insult me; "You've been spending to much time with pirates Kaitlyn. Aint?"  
  
"For your opinion, William, it's a very common saying where I come from," I said becoming self-conscious about the way I was speaking.  
  
"Really? And how would people talk where you come from eh?" The mystery voice said. I stared into the darkness (apparently it was night, no one told me) trying to make out who it was. I could have sworn I recognised the voice.  
  
A figure slowly walked towards us, as it became clearer, I worked out who the mystery person was.  
  
"Jack!"  
  
I ran towards him but smacked straight into metal bars. I stepped backwards rubbing my head.  
  
"They should put warning signs up in here, 'WARNING! Metal bars ahead!'"  
  
"Kaaaaiiiiiiiitttttttttyyyyyyy!" I groaned as I heard Jez come running down the steps.  
  
"Whaty?"  
  
"Guess what?"  
  
"You are actually sane?"  
  
"Nope!"  
  
"Shame! Go on!"  
  
"Shush Kait! I found something!"  
  
"That tells me a lot." She reached to slap me round the head but I ducked.  
  
"I found.."  
  
"Oh that tells me a lot!" I said sarcastically, I was just in one of them moods.  
  
"Well for that I'm not going not to give you some of my angel cake!" She said turning away.  
  
"I didn't mean it, I was being sarcastic!"  
  
"You were?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"Well, you're still not going to get any!" And with that she stormed out of the room.  
  
I stared at the stairs as I took in what had just happened.  
  
"Kaity shut your mouth!" Jack said.  
  
"Wha." I managed to say.  
  
"You had an argument," Will said.  
  
"Thank you Captain Obvious!" I said slightly annoyed.  
  
"Excuse me, but I think you'll find I'm the one and only Captain!" Jack said waving his hands about.  
  
"So you think that I won't be a Captain one day CAPTAIN Sparrow!" Will said crossing his arms.  
  
I stepped back as Jack and Will squared up to each other. This was not going to end well. Jack had his hand on the bars grimacing at Will, while Will was edging closer to the cell his hand on the hilt of his sword.  
  
"Okay, well, this is . not good," I muttered.  
  
I was ignored like always. They were to engrossed in their staring contest to take on little old me. Will drew his sword and pointed it at Jack who stepped back his arms in the air.  
  
"You really think it's wise killing me while on a Royal Navy Boat?" Jack said emphasising Royal Navy. Will faltered. Jack carried on talking, "Besides when we get back to Port Royale I've been told there's a long drop and sudden stop for me."  
  
This hit Will hard and he put his sword away. He stepped back and lowered his head like a little boy who knows he's done something wrong. After a few minutes of silence I decided that I would try an age-old tradition to get people to make friends.  
  
"Now, now children, we don't want arguments do we? No! Okay what do we do when we want to make friends?" I asked but they only looked at me confused. "We shake hands." they just stood there.  
  
I shook my head and said after a few seconds, "Do it!"  
  
The pair jumped into action and began shaking each other's hands manically.  
  
"Good now say sorry," they followed my order, "Now repeat after me, Make friends, make friends, never ever break friends, if you do you'll fall down the loo and that'll be the end of you!"  
  
They looked at me weird but did as I said. I smiled. My work here was done . for now. I'm sure they'll have another fall out which requires my expertise.  
  
The very special moment was broken by an almighty crash and shouts of "ICEBERG!!"  
  
Opps sorry wrong movie. There was a shout though.  
  
"Kait! If you want some of this cake you best hurry up!"  
  
I smiled at Jack and Will and excused myself. I ran up to Jez and grabbed a slice of the cake. We waited outside the room and eves dropped on the conversation. Some people call us nosy, I call us curious.  
  
"I thought they fell out?" Jack said.  
  
"Yes so did I but I get the feeling we were meant to think that," Will replied.  
  
"Huh? You think so? It worked."  
  
"Yes ." Will said. Elizabeth joined us at the door taking a slice of the cake for herself.  
  
"Sorry," they both muttered.  
  
We turned round and faced each other smiling. We had come up with this little plan to stop the tension between the pair. Will had got away with his crime because of Elizabeth and Norrington but Jack hadn't. This had caused the tension that we just couldn't put up with any longer.  
  
The three of us linked arms and walked up to the deck talking about the past few days events and what on earth was Sky Digital (Jez had gone through a TV withdrawal symptoms period).  
  
We reached the deck and looked out. In the distance were the lights of Port Royale.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I updated eventually. I hope you all had a good Christmas and Happy New year, I did! It's my Birthday tomorrow, forget and face the wrath of the rock of DOOM!  
  
~*~ Thank you's ~*~  
  
CheerCheerBubblegum - I've not seen M&C yet but I will!  
  
Tabby Kitten - I have the DVD Wohoo!!  
  
Niccy-B - Get back online you mangy dog (o/j)  
  
Lady Demon Warrior - Thank you for luurving my story, and I hope my grammar has improved. 


	20. A Corset or Feeder?

Do I own Pirates of the Caribbean? Let's see ... one piece of chocolate, two pieces of a board game and a shredded teddy ... No I don't own it.  
  
A/N – Oh my word, How long has it been? I'm so sorry. Well here's the update if only very short and there's only one more chapter to come before it ends * sniff *.  
  
Chapter 20 – A corset or Feeder?  
  
"Star date 17 whatever, time – quarter past my wrist. Today we came across a familiar place, I have a feeling I may have been drunk last time I was here as I can't remember it accept for the jail but that's another story completely. Jez (my second in command) is currently taking a bath and thank the lord for that. She stinks."  
  
"RUB A DUB DUB!! THREE MEN IN MY TUB!!" Jez sang from the room next door.  
  
"Ewwwwww, Jezzy-Bell you hussy!"  
  
I rolled my eyes at the fact that my last statement confirmed I had spent too much time with pirates lately. I put down my pretend Dictaphone as Elizabeth walked in (complete with flowing gown and hat) followed by a couple of maids carrying two boxes.  
  
"Where's Jez?" She asked.  
  
"De-stinkinfying, why?" I asked.  
  
"Because I have a surprise for you," she said motioning to the boxes.  
  
"I hope they contain Feeder and not what I think they do." I said dreading what was in the boxes.  
  
Elizabeth just smiled and opened up the box. I groaned. It was exactly what I didn't want. A dress complete with corset.  
  
Elizabeth leaned in a whispered to me, "If I have to wear one so do you." And just when I was beginning to like her and all.  
  
Jez bounced (yes bounced) back into the room and went straight to the dresses. I think she has a homing beacon for everything not me.  
  
"Oh, how pretty. Don't you think so Kait?" She asked a sarcastic smile on her face.  
  
"They're delightful," I replied, sarcastically of course  
  
"Well, I'm glad you think so. Maria and Sophie will help you to put them on and be quick about it we're going to be late for Captain Sparrow's Hanging," She turned round and walked out of the room.  
  
I shouted after her, "I don't see why we have to go anyway!" Sophie grabbed my arm and dragged me into the bathroom before I could say anything else. I couldn't believe how rough this woman was, she looked so dainty and petite.  
  
Getting the dress on wasn't a problem at all but that torture device they call a corset was pure ... torture. Sophie pulled the lace hard every time I complained about it. I soon learnt that lesson. I could imagine her with a chain saw and a hammer trying to get this thing on me or killing me, both a possibility.  
  
After about eight years of hell she had finally finished. It turned out she hadn't done it that tight. I could still breath. I walked out of the room and came face to face with Jez. They had dressed us exactly the same. We were wearing pastel pink dresses with cream lace. To tell you the truth it was horrible. A dress? Me? Pink? I just don't add up does it?  
  
We walked down to where Elizabeth, her father and Commodore Norrington where waiting for us.  
  
The carriage ride was so uncomfy. I think I've got permanent marks in my backside from it. Plus I was beginning to see why Elizabeth fainted in the first place, Flaming torture devices. If I was a woman in this day in age (1700's) I would have kicked up a fuss about wearing these, never mind looking good for Mr. Right!! I'd prefer my liver to be in place thank you very much.  
  
My little rant inside my head was cut short as we pulled into the fort and faced the most terrible ordeal anyone could possible imagine.  
  
Being seen in a dress in PUBLIC!!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
There you go, a chapter at last. Don't ask me when I'll update next blame school, they keep giving me deadlines that are just to soon, if you get me.  
  
If you don't whom Feeder are look them up they are a wicked UK Rock Band!  
  
CheerCheerBubblegum – An updatededed whatever!  
  
Tabby Kitten – Thankies to you darling. I'm obsessed to!  
  
Niccy- b -???  
  
Lady Demon Warrior – Thanks for the advice unfortunately that is one of my biggest downfalls.  
  
Adele Starminster – I'm working on it.  
  
BubbleBubblegumgum – How many names do you want?  
  
Jlm – Thankies.  
  
Athena Diagon Cat - Thanks for the review. 


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